Thursday, March 23, 2006

Cell Phone

Every once in a while, I run into someone who is amazed that I don’t have a cellphone. The bottom line is, I don’t need one. I have a landline. I have a digital camera. I have an answering machine. Anyone who wants me can call me at home, or at work. If I’m anywhere besides those two places, then you can assume I am too busy to talk on the phone. Call me later.

Who am I kidding? No one calls me!

Someone asked, “But what if you were away from home and needed to contact your kids?” Thats an easy one, I would ask the person to my right if I could use their phone. They always have one. “But what if you were broken down on the side of the interstate?” Umm, this happened a couple months ago. I wished for just a minute that I could call someone. But who? I don’t anyone who would come out here AND can change my tire for me. The story ended OK, I changed the tire myself. In the dark. Remind me to put a flashlight in my car sometime! THAT I really need.

The Perfect Husband

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes"
WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather
coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, ..go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2006 models. I saw one I really liked"
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$90,000"
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing ... The house I wanted
last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000"
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of $900,000.
They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand.
If it's really a pretty good price." WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"
MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape.....
He smiles and asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?...."


The Goober Queen seems to have trouble with her man and his cell phone.

Can you believe it? A a cellphone powered by urine.

We don’t want to hear your cell phone conversation!

"Women are like cell phones. They like to be held and talked to, but push the wrong button, and you'll be disconnected."

“Hang up up and drive.” --Unknown


A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decides to buy her a cell phone. She is all excited - she loves her phone. He shows her and explains to her all the features on the phone.

The next day the blonde goes shopping. Her phone rings and it's her husband.

"Hi Hon," he says. "How do you like your new phone?"

She replies, "I just love it. It's so small and your voice is clear as a bell. There's one thing I don't understand though."

"What's that, baby?" asks the husband.

"How did you know I was at Wal-Mart?"


I was barely sitting down at the airport washroom, when I heard a voice from the other stall saying, “Hi, how are you?”

I’m not the type to start a conversation in the restroom but I don’t know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed, “Doin’ just fine!”

And the other person says, “So what are you up to?”

What kind of question is that? At that point, I’m thinking this is too bizarre so I say: “Uhhh, I’m like you, just traveling!”

At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question. “Can I come over?”

Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell them “No........I’m a little busy right now!!!”

Then I hear the person say nervously, "Listen, I’ll have to call you back. There’s an idiot in the other stall who keeps trying to talk to me.”

Thought for today: Guns don't kill people - Drivers with cellphones do!


Hale McKay said...

Those were some great cell phone toons and jokes.
...Good for you for not succumbing and having one.

LZ Blogger said...


Carl said...

Well, you know, MissC, people might call you...

...if you had a cellphone ;-)

Jim Big Toe said...

You have an awesome rate plan “your friends.” It is this kind of innovation that needs to seep back into American society. I like your format. It is definitely unique.

Wulfweard The White said...

A comment for your header.

'I used to compete but now I know I am only second best'......LMAO

Unknown said...

Great jokes! Thanks for sharing!

I had to get a cell phone because we are on dialup (giving phone callers a busy signal) and someone here is always on the internet! LOL

Miss Cellania said...

Hale, Thanks!

JB, you really REALLY want to get quoted in the header, don't you?

Carl, I got one today! April gave me her old cell phone. Of course, there is no service attached, but the clock and the video games work fine. Til the battery runs down!

Jimbo, thanks! And thanks for visiting!

Wulfweard, I never competed with you, I love your site!

Marti, you really need to consider DSL or cable internet. I love my DSL!

Dick said...

I travel for months at a time in my RV so the land line (which I do still have) does me no good during that time and a cell phone is necessary. Both of my sons have dropped land lines for cell only households. Internet over cable allows them to get by without a land line. They don't seem to have connection problems although I have at certain locations. Probably comes from sitting out in the desert SW in the boondocks. I also have a broadband connection over the wireless system but it is brand new and not yet available at high speed all over. It always seems to work, just not always at broadband speeds.

Bar L. said...

You are too much! These are all so funny. What did I do before I had your blog to crack me up? I really appreciate the laughs you provide!!!

Bar L. said...

P.S. Those neked people were not very good looking...ewwwww.