Never Look Down in a Duel

We've been to enough movies to know that the likelihood of dying quickly is inversely correlated with how much the movie stars are paid. In Westerns,  nobodies will be shot quickly and never seen again, while the higher-billed actors will have a drawn-out dramatic demise. When rivals confront each other in a Western shootout, we sometimes aren't sure who's actually been shot, and neither do the characters, until they themselves become aware of their injuries. You may have never noticed this consciously, but you know it happens. 

But what if the characters become aware of this cinematic convention? If you don't look down and notice the bullet wound, have you really been shot? If a fatal gunshot only becomes reality when it is observed, then refusing to observe the wound keeps the character in a state of quantum uncertainty. Or at least it should. (via Geeks Are Sexy) 

Bird Cowboy

Remember that story The Ugly Duckling? If you ever wondered what happened to the subject of that tale, this song will continue the story after he rides off into the sunset. Except here, he remains a duck instead of a swan. Except he's more than a just duck- he's a cowboy! Or rather, a Western gunslinger, because there's no cows in sight. Okay, he's a duck gunslinger who goes by the name Bird Cowboy. A story doesn't have to make sense when it's this good. You can almost hear Johnny Cash singing this. But it's from Mummy Joe, and the illustrations are both silly and adorable. (via Everlasting Blort) 

May the Horse Be With You

In an effort to ignore the hideous reality we are all facing, here's a picture of me as a cowboy for no apparent reason. 🤠

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— Mark Hamill (@markhamillofficial.bsky.social) January 9, 2025 at 7:10 PM

Two Mules for Sister Sara

Two Mules for Sister Sara is a 1970 Western starring Clint Eastwood and Shirley MacLaine as a mercenary and a nun who get involved in the Mexican rebellion against the occupying French forces in the 1860s. I remember seeing this in a theater.

Cosmo

Here we have a science fiction Western from Dust that's also sort of a comedy. A standoff between officer of the law Jane Montana and three outlaws comes down to who can count well, and they have to have an argument over it. Buford, Slick, and Bart are not the sharpest tools in the shed. There was a point in this narrative when I was sure that Slick or Bart would wise up and shoot Buford, but that would make too much sense. Gwen could have grabbed Bart's gun, but no. This story takes a different turn, and ends quite delightfully. (via Geeks Are Sexy)

Weston

From Married to the Sea.

Cowboy Adventures

This story can be anything you wants, if you choose wisely. Thank Chris Hallbeck at Maximumble.

High Tech Noon

Darryl Gold re-edited the classic western High Noon to include killer robots. (via b3ta)

Cowboy Myths

Now you know everything you need to know about cowboys. This comic is from Alex Culang and Raynato Castro at Buttersafe.

Far Alamo

One thing we don't have enough of is Western movies with giant mutant monsters. There's Valley of the Gwangi (1969), and uh, that's about it. But now Fabrice Mathieu brings us a mashup with gunslingers defending the Alamo from a swarm of giant mutant insects! Far Alamo stars John Wayne, Charles Bronson, Yul Brynner, Richard Widmark, James Coburn, Clint Eastwood, Henry Fonda, Lee Van Cleef, and a host other actors you'd expect in a classic Western. This shoot-em-up was pieced together from a dozen different films, listed at the vimeo page. (Thanks, Fabrice!)

Tiny House

From Married to the Sea.

The New West

A gang of outlaws discusses the lack of diversity in their group while awaiting to rob a train. Contains NSFW language. 

It turns out that the group is already way more diverse than you would expect in a historical era in which such gangs were usually quite homogeneous -all criminals and all kind of dumb. Well, they got that part right. (via Digg) 

Rhinestone Cowboy Western Movie Montage

Whether you’re a true fan or not, you have to admit that a good epic Western adventure is pure escape from the trials and trivia of modern day life. This supercut by Robert Jones has only the best ones, featuring John Wayne, Clint Eastwood, Henry Fonda, Jimmy Stewart, Robert Redford, Gregory Peck, Robert Mitchum, Charles Bronson, Gary Cooper, and a few Western comedies you know and love, too. Take three minutes for a nostalgia break with this video. (Thanks, Robert!) 

Cowboy

(via Fark)

Rob 'n' Ron

This is described as a "miniature spaghetti Western." Ron and Ron are brothers planning a "big" bank robbery. (via the Presurfer)

The Great Train Robbery

The first Western film, or at least the first hit Western, from 1903. The Week holds it up as the beginning of a great string of movies about the Old West, and urges Hollywood to keep on making them, despite the debacle of The Lone Ranger.

Cannibals of the Old West

Just the thought of cannibalism, or the eating of human flesh, induces shudders in the living. However, most people would agree that as strong as the cultural taboo is, cases in which people ingested corpses because it was the only available food in order to survive can be forgiven (if not forgotten). The most famous example in American history is the Donner Party, a group of snowbound pioneers who may have resorted to eating their deceased members in 1846-47. On the other hand, those who murder and then eat their victims are viewed with particular horror and contempt. Read about some in this article I wrote for mental_floss.  

Malaria

A hit man meets Death, with the aim to kill him. But what would that mean in the long run? This short film by Edson Oda is neither live action nor animation, but it tells the story quite well in its own inventive way. With English subtitles. (via Metafilter)

The Life and Times of Deputy U.S. Marshal Bass Reeves

Over his 32-year career as a Deputy U.S. Marshal, Bass Reeves arrested 3,000 felons, killed 14 men, and was never shot himself. His reputation for persistence, his total fearlessness, his skills with a gun, and his ability to outsmart outlaws struck terror into lawbreakers in what we now call Oklahoma. Although other colorful characters made their way into our pop culture, Bass was the real badass of the Old West. Read about him in an article I wrote for mental_floss.

The Old Rancher

The banker saw his old friend Tom, an old rancher, in town. Tom had lost his wife a year or so before and rumor had it that he was marrying a ‘mail order’ bride. Being a good friend, the banker asked Tom if the rumor was true.

Tom assured him that it was.

The banker then asked Tom the age of his new bride to be.

Tom proudly said,‘She’ll be thirty-one in November.’

Now the banker, being the wise man that he was, could see that the sexual appetite of a young woman could not be satisfied by an old man. Wanting his old friend’s remaining years to be happy the banker tactfully suggested that Tom should consider getting a hired hand to help him out on the ranch, knowing nature would take its own course.

Tom thought this was a good idea and said he would look for one that afternoon.

About four months later, the banker ran into Tom in town again. ‘How’s the new wife?’, asked the banker.

Tom proudly said, ‘Good - she’s pregnant.’

The banker, happy that his sage advice had worked out, continued, ‘And how’s the hired hand?’

Without hesitating, Tom said, ‘She’s pregnant too.'

Don’t ever underestimate old guys!

(via Phil's Phun)