Friday, February 17, 2006

Mars and Venus: Seeking

We’ve established by now that men and women are way different, although that shouldn’t have any bearing on our worth as humans or our rights as citizens. But different we are. And the drive to connect with the other is overwhelming (read into that what you wish). Along the lines, you can run into a million types of guys, or gals, and you just wish you could pick this quality from that one, and that quality from the other one and put them all together for the perfect mate. Kinda like a Stepford Wife. Maybe these links will help, or at least amuse you along the way. And for those of you who are married, count your blessings. Its a jungle out there!

The Jerry Springer Love Line dating service.

Pathetic Personals. Too realistic by half.

How a man can win an argument with a woman. Wonderful article, and so true. Especially #4. A guy tried this with me ONCE and I was so surprised and happy, I cried. Then I married him.

Listen to the advice of an expert, 31-year-old Houston resident Gerald Doelpe.

Top 100 Cities with the Largest Percentage of Males. These towns are mostly military bases, with some prison towns represented. Check before you move!

Top 100 Cities with the Largest Percentage of Females. Not as high percentages as the men’s list, but there are still reasons. The town is either home to a women’s college, or else its a retirement village. Check the median ago to see which.


If you kiss him, you are easy
If you don't, you are frigid
If you praise him, he thinks you are fake
If you don't, he thinks you are ungrateful
If you agree to all his likes, you are submissive
If you don't, you are controling
If you visit him often, he thinks you're desperate
If you don't, he thinks you're not interested
If you are well dressed, he says you are vain
If you don't, you are a dog
If you are jealous, he say's you're possessive
If you're not, then he fools around
If you attempt a romance, he say's you are cheap
If you don't, he thinks you are cold
If you are a minute late, he says you are fussy
If he is late, he says you're impatient
If you visit another man, you are fooling around
If he is visited by another woman, "oh we're just friends"
If you kiss him once in a while, he says you're too shy
If you kiss him often, he says you're too forward
If he fails to help you in crossing the street, he brings up the feminist movement
If he does, he expects to be rewarded
If you stare at another woman, he says you're jealous
If he is stared by other men, boy, you're in big trouble..
If you talk, it's always too much
If you listen, it's never enough

In short:
So complex, yet so predictable
So macho, yet so sensitive (usually to their own feelings)
So confusing, yet so funny
but most of all,
So irritating, yet so irresistible


If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman
If you don't, you are not a man
If you praise her, she thinks you are lying
If you don't, you are good for nothing
If you agree to all her likes, you are a wimp
If you don't, you are not understanding
If you visit her often, she thinks it is boring
If you don't, she accuses you of double-crossing
If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy
If you don't, you are a dull boy
If you are jealous, she says it's bad
If you don't, she thinks you do not love her
If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her
If you don't, she thinks you do not like her
If you are a minute late, she complains it's hard to wait
If she is late, she says that's a girl's way
If you visit another man, you're not putting in "quality time"
If she is visited by another woman, "oh it's natural, we are girls"
If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold
If you kiss her often, she yells that you are taking advantage
If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics
If you do, she thinks it's just one of men's tactics for seduction
If you stare at another woman, she accuses you of flirting
If she is stared by other men, she says that they are just admiring
If you talk, she wants you to listen
If you listen, she wants you to talk

In short:
So simple, yet so complex
So weak, yet so powerful
So confusing, yet so desirable
So damning, yet so wonderful...

See also: In All the Wrong Places

Previously on Miss Cellania:
Mars and Venus: Semantics
Mars and Venus: Woman Things
Mars and Venus: Man Things
Mars and Venus: Education
Mars and Venus: Advantages
Mars and Venus: Procedures
Mars and Venus: Introduction
Mars and Venus: Dictionary
Mars and Venus: he said, she said

Thought for today: We'd be much more successful if we would stop trying to find the perfect mate, and start trying to be the perfect mate.


Anonymous said...

One of the biggest fights Tom and i ever had was discussing the Mars and Venus book. Course that was early in our relationship.

Carl said...

Interesting that the first article listed after "How to Argue with a Woman" is this:

Six Ways to Tell a Woman She's Fat

What's the next article in the series? "Six Ways to Enjoy The Couch On A Friday Night"?

Anonymous said...

I really like your blog, and will be back to have a better look when I have more time. Thanks for commenting on my blog. I've added you to my blogroll. Have a good weekend.

Karen said...

Love your site!

Anonymous said...

Yep. Men. Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em and can't shoot 'em.

What are ya gonna do?

LZ Blogger said...

I found myself in SEVERAL places in your SPINNER Pie Chart above. But I ALWAYS lift the lid, I just NEVER close it! So I doubt I'd ever qualify as Mr. Right! Yet again... another FUNNY post. GO Ms. C.! ~ jb///

Anonymous said...

Thank you for popping by and visiting my blog and for leaving a comment. I adored the pie chart at the top of this post - it reminds me of the availability of men in South Africa - zilch!

FTS also prompted me to visit seeing as he highlighted you this week.

Carl said...

Yea, Penny, but women...can't live with them and you have to tip the ones you don't....

Anonymous said...

Chuckled all through the post and I love the final thought for the day. :-)

Hale McKay said...

Was glad to your comment today. I may not leave comments here everey visit, but I am here everyday. Love your site for all the links. I have found a lot of stuff I have used on my site by way of your links.

Miss Cellania said...

Thanks for pointing out that article, Carl. Now I have six more code phrases I will always dread hearing.

... j said...

you know, itd all be so much easier if we were all just ourselves with the people we dated, instead of trying to act any specific way. :)