Tuesday, February 14, 2006

My Funny Valentine

Happy Valentine’s Day to those of you who celebrate such things. To me, its not REALLY a holiday unless the Post Office closes. And there’s something a bit creepy about a holiday that relies on guilt and threats in order to sell a lot of merchandise that we don’t need anyway. Seems to me that if you love someone, you should show it every day. Use words, that always helps. Tell your sweetheart something that will make him/her feel good. And just because you’ve used those words before doesn’t mean your sweetie never needs to hear them again. But when you get down to what really matters, Valentine’s Day gives me more funny stuff to share, so here goes!

One of my favorite art blogs, the Seven Deadly Sinners has an entire collection of awful valentines! They've been posting them over the last couple of weeks or so. The one at left is my favorite. Read the true story that inspired it.

Avery Ant and his One-Minute Rant presents My Bloody Valentine.

On special occasions
when you shave under yore arms,
well, I'm in hawg heaven,
and awed by yore charms.

There's lots more to this redneck valentine poem.

Valentine greeting from Brawny paper towels. This is somewhat creepy, somewhat funny.

Prydwen on what impresses a woman.

Something Awful has several pages of really strange Star Wars valentines.

Truly awful Valentine ecard.

Flash Valentine for cyber-relationships.

Cupid, the Nearsighted Love God. Cute concept; too bad the singing bites.

I admire your strength, I admire your spunk,
but the thing I like best, is getting you drunk.

Sexy name decoder. Names cannot have over ten letters, so I entered just “Cellania”.

Cutie Expertly Luxuriating in Lustful Affection and Naughty, Intense Attentions

If you're feeling a little blue about being all alone on Valentine's Day, el Jacek has a holiday post that will make you happy to be celibate.


A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.

His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says, "I'm sending out one thousand Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"

"But why?" asks the man.

"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.


A couple of duds, or maybe sabotage. Fear one? Real loss?

An experiment with the beginning of a little song, which I then ate.

Its all about me, isn't it?

Someone in California is sneaking in baseball promotions!


I saved the best for last. A screaming banshee goes on a date.

Thought for today: Its better to have loved and lost, than to live with a psycho the rest of your life.


LZ Blogger said...

Hey there! ~ Happy Valentine's Day to you and yours! As ALWAYS this is a cute and humours post! ~ jb///

... j said...

feliz v day ma'am :)

Anonymous said...

Wow, that Brawny one really is a little spooky ... actually pretty creepy & sicko when you think about it. Hmmm, think I'll stick to flowers!

p.s. FTS sent me! Congrats on being in the spotlight!

Carl said...

I heart Miss C as well! Happy Valentine's day!

Anonymous said...

Hilarious! Love the banshee!

OldHorsetailSnake said...

Actually, we all (heart) Miss Cellania.

Maja said...

hey misscellania! i found your blog like a week ago and i'm already addicted to it. it's hilarious and i check it out every time i go online! where did you FIND that redneck photos?? LoL, LoL, LoL.. big kiss from Croatia =)