Friday, February 10, 2006

Sith Happens

My younger daughter has expanded her movie repertoire to include the Indiana Jones series and the Jurassic Park series, but she still lives and breathes Star Wars. Getting all the action figures, posters, books, and that Darth Vader helmet for Christmas didn’t help. When I tucked her in last night, I noticed a piece of paper she had taped up inside her bunk.

In a gaxly
far far far far away.....
Star WARS!

She also has pictures she’s drawn of the various characters, especially Darth. They are on a first-name basis now. Meanwhile, I keep collecting links and stuff.

To set the mood: The Imperial March by Areosith.

10 Signs You've Seen the `Star Wars' Movies Too Many Times
(from Late Night with David Letterman)

10. Your poodles are named "C," "3," "P" and "O"

9. You won't sleep with your wife unless she says, "Help me, Obi Wan, you're my only hope"

8. You spent $10,000 trying to Rogaine yourself into Chewbacca

7. You're continually stunned when the President makes major decisions without consulting Mark Hamill.

6. Your favorite pickup line: "Would you like to handle my light saber?"

5. You keep referring to your lawn mower as "that crazy droid"

4. You spend most of your days trying to use "the Force" to open a can of pears

3. You once saw an eggplant that looked kind of like Darth Vader and almost had a heart attack

2. Your sex life is strictly "Han Solo," if you know what I mean

1. You like Yoda so much, you voted for Ross Perot

Take a look at these pixilated Star Wars mini-movies, Episode 4 and Episode 5.

Darth Vader immortalized as a gargoyle on the Washington Cathedral.

Play 20 questions with Darth Vader. Be careful what you are thinking of, he may be able to read your mind! Ha! I stumped him!

You might be a redneck Jedi.

Diaper Wars.

Top Ten Things Learned from Star Wars.

Che Stormtrooper video.

Tokyo Stormtrooper.

Han Solo froxen in carbonite, rendered in Legos.

Star Wars: Rise of the Sith flash cartoon.

Right here is the geekiest thing I’ve ever seen. I don’t understand any of it.

Innocuous-looking on the outside, this house contains an amazing collection of Star Wars memorabilia that you have to see!

How the Death Star works. Some people take movies WAY too seriously.

Musing on the Death Star’s trash compactor.

Darth Vader’s blog. Hasn’t been updated in a while, but its got some cool links!

New Star Wars toys include R2Potatoo and Spud Trooper, joining Darth Tater.

Top Ten Sexually Tilted Lines In Star Wars

Star Wars IV: A New Hope

1. "She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts, kid."
2. "Curse my metal body, I wasn't fast enough!"
3. "Look at the size of that thing!"
4. "Sorry about the mess..."
5. "You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought."
6. "Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?"
7. "You've got something jammed in here real good."
8. "Put that thing away before you get us all killed!"
9. "Luke, at that speed do you think you'll be able to pull out in time?"
10. "Get in there you big furry oaf, I don't care *what* you smell!"

Star Wars V: The Empire Strikes Back

1. "And I thought they smelled bad...on the *outside*!"
2. "Possible he came in through the south entrance."
3. "I must've hit it pretty close to the mark to get her all riled up like that, huh, kid?"
4. "Hurry up, golden-rod..."
5. "That's okay, I'd like to keep it on manual control for a while."
6. "But now we must eat. Come, good food, commme..."
7. "Control, control! You must learn control!"
8. "There's an awful lot of moisture in here."
9. "Size matters not. Judge me by my size, do you?"
10. "I thought that hairy beast would be the end of me!"

Star Wars VI: Return of t
he Jedi

1. "Rise, my friend."
2. "Open the back door!"
3. "Hey, point that thing somewhere else!"
4. "It's just a dead animal..."
5. "Not bad for a little furball."
6. "How can they be jamming us if they don't know we're coming?"
7. "Come here, I won't hurt you. You want something to eat?"
8. "Keep on that one, I'll take these two."
9. "I want you to take her. I mean it, take her!"
10. "I don't think the Empire had wookies in mind when they designed her, Chewie."

Top ten sexually tilted lines from the trilogy

10. "What could possibly have come over Master Luke?"
9. "Hey, point that thing someplace else."
8. "You're a jittery little thing, aren't you?"
7. "I never knew I had it in me."
6. "Someone must've told them about my little maneuver at the battle of Taanab."
5. "There is good in him, I've felt it."
4. "Grab me, Chewie. I'm slipping -- hold on. Grab it, almost got it. Gently now, all right, easy, easy, hold me, Chewie. Chewie!" (Han) with "A little higher, just a little higher."
3. "Short help's better than no help at all."
2. "Hey, Luke, thanks for coming after me -- now I owe you one."
1. "Back door, huh? Good idea!"

Previously on Miss Cellania:
Take a Walk on the Dark Side for way more funnier links.
Dath Vatter was a post by a guest blogger, my kid.

Thought for today: Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you hear them speak.


FTS said...

Someboday spent a lot of time coming up with those lines, didn't they. I've never been much on Star Wars. I'm more of a Trekker. ;)

Miss Cellania said...

I'm already working on that one.

... j said...

you know i dont get any of that geekiest stuff ever thing either, though i did like the movies as a kid...

OldHorsetailSnake said...

I am happy to be able to brush up on selector's specificity. I learned all that stuff in grade school but had forgotten most of it.