Monday, February 20, 2006

Adam and Eve

What a wonderful story, full of symbolism (apple, snake, fig leaves), the struggle of good vs. evil, a beautiful garden for a setting, and nudity! What else could you ask for? With this as a first story, the Bible just grabs you and sucks you right in. A guaranteed best seller. And when you start peeling the layers back (like Shrek), you find more layers of meaning.

Tish published an Interview with Adam, part one and part two.

Hoss on the Garden of Eden.

Many different theories of Creation.

Belief-O-Matic -- A personality quiz about your religious and spiritual beliefs.


One day, after a near eternity in the Garden of Eden, Adam calls out to
God, 'Lord, I have a problem.'

'What's the problem, Adam?', God replies.

'Lord, I know you created me and have provided for me and surrounded me with this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, but I'm just not happy'

'Why is that, Adam?', comes the reply from the heavens.

'Lord, I know you created this place for me, with all this lovely food and
all of the beautiful animals, but I am lonely.'

'Well Adam, in that case I have the perfect solution. I shall create a
'woman' for you.'

'What's a 'woman', Lord?'

'This 'woman' will be the most intelligent, sensitive, caring, and
beautiful creature I have ever created. She will be so intelligent that she
can figure out what you want before you want it. She will be so sensitive
and caring that she will know your every mood and how to make you happy.

Her beauty will rival that of the heavens and earth. She will unquestioningly care for your every need and desire. She will be the perfect companion for you.', replies the heavenly voice.

'Sounds great.'

'She will be, but this is going to cost you, Adam.'

'How much will this 'woman' cost me Lord?', Adam replies.

'She'll cost you your right arm, your right leg, an eye, an ear, and your
left testicle.'

Adam ponders this for some time, with a look of deep thought and concern on his face. Finally Adam says to God, 'Ehhh, what can I get for a rib?'

The rest, as they say, is history.


Eve chats with God. "Lord, I have a problem."

"What's the problem, Eve?"

"I know that you created me and provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, as well as that hilarious comedic snake, but I'm just not happy."

"And why is that Eve?"

"Lord, I am lonely, and I'm sick to death of apples."

"Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you."

"Man? What is that Lord?"

"A flawed creature, with many bad traits. He'll lie, cheat and be vain; all in all, he'll give you a hard time. But he'll be bigger, faster and will like to hunt and kill things. I'll create him in such a way that he will satisfy your physical needs. He will be witless and will revel in childish things like fighting and hitting a ball about. He won't be as smart as you, so he will also need your advice to think properly."

"Sounds great," says Eve, with ironically raised eyebrows, "but what's the catch Lord?"

"Well can have him on one condition."

"And what's that Lord?"

"As I said he'll be proud, arrogant and you'll have to let him believe that I made him first. And it will have to be our little secret........ you know, woman to woman."


Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His own children.

After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve.
And the first thing he said was, "DON'T!"

"Don't what?" Adam replied.

"Don't eat the forbidden fruit.." God said.

"Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey Eve..we have forbidden fruit!"

"No Way!"

"Yes way!"

"Do NOT eat the fruit! " said God.


"Because I am your Father and I said so! " God replied, wondering why He hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants.

A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and He was ticked!

"Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit? " God asked.

"Uh huh," Adam replied.

"Then why did you? " said the Father.

"I don't know," said Eve.

"She started it! " Adam said.

"Did not! "

"Did too! "


Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own.

Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.


If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself.

If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?

Thought for today: In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created man, and rested. Then God created woman. Since then neither God nor man have rested.


Van Cong Tu said...

I love your post, and your pictures.

Karen said...

Those were so funny and the comics are great. Thanks for the giggles.

Have a great day!

Anonymous said...

The "Creation of Woman" gave me my morning smile. The "Alternate Version" had me chuckling out loud.

... j said...

bah, it was the flying spaghetti monster that created the universe and everythhing else in it, - seriously check it out, stuffs hillarious

Ed Bremson, MFA said...

Congratulations for your success on the smoking front. That is quite an accomplishment, and something to feel really proud of.

BTW, great blog as usual.

OldHorsetailSnake said...

What is this "God" thing? I thought there were lots of them: God, Lord, Yaweh, Thor, Zeus, Mohammad of the Turban Bomb Temple, Mrs. God, goddamit, and so on.

Susan said...

Thanks for the laugh.