Saturday, April 08, 2006

More Toilet Humor

For some reason, I though I had found enough funny material on toilets last year when I posted the original Toilet Humor. Boy, was I wrong! New websites and jokes are always coming across my publishing desk. Thanks to everyone for the submissions and suggestions, and a big smooch on the cheek to a great circle of bloggers who also have a sense of toilet humor.

Read reviews of public restrooms at Restroom Rantings!

Gallery of homemade toilets.

In Britain, they have urinals that just appear when they are needed.

A somewhat complicated prank to pull at your workplace: RoboDump. At least you’ll have someone to blame the smell on.

The Outhouse Classic in Trenary. Michigan. Race your outhouse on skis, and win some fabulous prizes!

A mathematician tackles the toilet seat problem.

Test your men’s room etiquette with the The Urinal Game. Especially informative for ladies because we didn’t already know all this stuff.


During one of her daily classes, a teacher, trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:

"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"

Michael said, "Just a minute, I have to go pee."

The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite."

"What about you Peter, how would you say it?" Peter said, "I'm sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."

"That's better" she said, "but it's still not very nice to use the word bathroom at the dinner table."

"And you, little Eddie, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?"

I would say, "Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to go shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I look forward to introducing you to right after dinner."

The teacher fainted.


Amazing urinal design called The Pee Tree. This link goes to a delightful automatic English translation.

Toilet Snorkel.

Galaktica: The famous luminous toilet seat.

Turn your old Macintosh computer into a toilet paper dispenser, or iWipe.

The $5,000 toilet.

Restroom Signs

Friends don't let friends take home ugly men
Women's restroom
Starboard, Dewey Beach, DE

Beauty is only a light switch away.
Perkins Library, Duke University, Durham, NC

If life is a waste of time,
and time is a waste of life,
then let's all get wasted together
and have the time of our lives.
Armand's Pizza, Washington, DC

Remember, it's not,
"How high are you?"
"Hi, how are you?"
Rest stop off Route 81, West Virginia

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
The Bayou, Baton Rouge, LO

No matter how good she looks,
some other guy is sick and tired
of putting up with her shit.
Men's Room
Linda's Bar and Grill, Chapel Hill, NC

At the feast of ego everyone leaves hungry.
Bentley's House of Coffee and Tea, Tucson, AZ

It's hard to make a comeback
when you haven't been anywhere.
Written in the dust
on the back of a bus,
Wickenburg, AZ

Make love, not war.
-Hell, do both
Women's restroom
The Filling Station, Bozeman, MT

If voting could really change things, it would be illegal.
Revolution Books
New York, New York.

If pro is opposite of con,
then what is the opposite of progress?
Men's restroom
House of Representatives, Washington, DC

Express Lane: Five beers or less
Sign over one of the urinals
Ed Debevic's, Phoenix, AZ

You're too good for him.
Sign over mirror in Women's restroom
Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hills,CA.

No wonder you always go home alone.
Sign over mirror in Men's restroom,
Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hills,CA

and my favourite,

A Woman's Rule of Thumb:
If it has tires or testicles,
you're going to have trouble with it.
Women's restroom
Dick's Last Resort, Dallas, TX

Toilets of the Blogosphere

Duke of Earle posted about the outhouses on a golf course in Texas.

More toilet humor from Hoss.

Rocky Jay’s urinal adventure. (WARNING: Site not safe for work)

Stringman writes about the inequity of ladies room waiting lines.

Marti explained WHY it takes so long for some SOME ladies to use a public loo.

FTS talks about how to select a restroom in a gay bar.

Jason describes the coolest mensroom ever. (Thanks, Christy!)

Wouldn't it just be TOO cool to have a bathroom with a floor painted like this one? Especially when your guests have a little too much to drink! But no, its a Photoshop masterpiece.

THE CAMPGROUND (lifted from Lucy)

An old fashioned lady, always quite delicate and elegant, especially in her language was planning a camping trip in their Motorhome with her husband. While writing a letter to a campground to learn about their facilities, she became concerned - she could not bring herself to write the word "toilet" in her letter. She needed to know about the campground toilets. After much deliberation, she finally came up with the old-fashioned term BATHROOM COMMODE. But when she wrote that down, she still thought she was being too forward. So she rewrote the letter - this time referring to the bathroom commode as BC; "Does the campground have it's own BC?", she wrote.

The campground owner was puzzled when he got the letter, he just couldn't figure out what the woman was talking about. That BC business really stumped him. He showed the letter to several campers, but they couldn't imagine what the lady meant either.

The campground owner, finally came to the conclusion that the lady must be asking about the local Baptist Church. He sat down and wrote the following reply:

Dear Madam:
I regret very much the delay in answering your letter, but I now take pleasure in informing you that a BC is located nine miles north of the campground and is capable of seating 250 people at one time. I admit it is quite a distance away, if you are in the habit of going regularly, but no doubt you will be pleased to know that a great number of people take their lunches along and make a day of it. They usually arrive early and stay late. It is such a beautiful facility and the acoustics are marvelous...even the normal delivery sounds can be heard. The last time my wife and I went was six years ago, and it was so crowded we had to stand up the whole time we were there. It may interest you to know that right now a supper is planned to raise money to buy more seats. They are going to hold it in the basement of the BC. I would like to say it pains me very much not to be able to go more regularly, but it surely is no lack of desire on my part. As we grow old, it seems to be more of an effort, particularly in cold weather. If you do decide to come down to our campground, perhaps I could go with you the first time you go, sit with you, and introduce you to all the other folks. Remember, this is a friendly community.

Sincerely, (Campground Owner)


Wonder what we could call this project? Hmm..

Its coming to me...

The iPot.

A proper propper.

When you gotta go, you gotta GO!

The women made a few changes in the unisex restroom.

Thought for today: "Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross." -Mark (age 6)



Jean-Luc Picard said...

So, so funny, Miss Cellania! I love the 'Etiquette' story.

Anonymous said...

I guess ya'll saw writings on the stall?

Funny post as usual, MC

KEvron said...

pat line when exiting a port-o-let:

"the sink's too low, and the soap won't lather...."


Wulfweard The White said...

I think the Romans had the best idea with commonal toilets where they could sit and discuss matters of state.

Saur♥Kraut said...

Then there is always the incinerating toilet.

Saur♥Kraut said...

P.S. One of my readers has a blog in which he reviews the different bathrooms in NY.

Miss Cellania said...

If y'all keep this up, I will have enough material for Toilet Humor 3 in no time. Thanks!

Saskboy said...

Hi Miss Cellania, I saw you suggest to Havril that he use Technorai tags in his postings. What's the method you use to tag your posts, and do you know of a way to tag Word Press blog entries? You can reply here, but if you could email me the answer I'd appreciate it. Or post it anywhere on my blog. -

Duke_of_Earle said...

Hi, Miss C! Thanks for the link to my modest contribution to your topic of the day. I admit I'm a daily visitor (lurker?) but an infrequent commenter. I'll try to do better in the future.

John (Hey, even my NAME means "toilet!")

Saskboy said...

That means 2 posted in a row.

Just another looky-loo checking back to say thanks for the tags. Do you code them each time or is there a place to enter the tag words so that the html is done automatically?

Anonymous said...

Toilet humour never gets old :-). I especilly enjoyed the proper etiiquette poster. :-)

Carl said...

The most comfortable urinal I've ever used is in PJ Clarkes in Manhattan. A man can really rest his elbows on the sides and spend as much time as he needs draining the old reservoir. I highly recommend it, even if you have to fly in just to pee...

quotidian said...

How about these:

"You hold the future in your hands"
Men's restroom
a university in the Philippines

"Don't sit like a frog, sit like a queen"
Women's restroom
the same university in the Philippines....


BAC said...

A guy I knew in college would say: "No matter how much you shake and dance, the last few drops fall in your pants!"