Saturday, April 15, 2006

Income Tax

Today is the day you traditionally must have your federal (and sometimes state) income tax returns in the mail. Oh yes, mail it late and you’ll be liable for penalties and interest. The alternative is to file for an extention, but you have to have that in the mail on time, too! In some cities, Post Offices stay open late on deadline day, in some places til midnight, to accomodate late filers. Not so in small towns! I used to work for a radio station that would set up a party at the Post Office from, say, ten til midnight, with coffee, donuts, and t-shirts for the last stragglers to get their forms in. We heard some pretty funny stories about why it took so long to get the forms finished! Too bad I don’t remember any of them.

Kate has done a little research.

Erm. Um. Miss C., straight from the IRS website:
"Tax Deadline Approaching
Taxpayers in most of the country will have until Monday, April 17 to file and pay, because the 15th falls on Saturday. Due to the Patriots Day holiday, residents of Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, New York, Vermont and the District of Columbia will have until Tuesday, April 18. Individual and business taxpayers in the parishes and counties most severely damaged by Hurricane Katrina have until August 28."

Patriots Day holiday? We had Good Friday, we have Easter tomorrow, we have Passover, and there's another holiday this weekend? Just not in my state? Where have I been? Hmm.. I never make it to the IRS website. My CPA is supposed to keep up with that stuff. And my returns went out in February. Refund already spent. The upshot here is that different states have different deadlines, and its all different from a normal year. Smells like a an excuse to me! Thanks, Kate!

Happy Tax Day! (flash cartoon, Uncle Sam as a stripper)

The American Taxpayer in photographic art.

Income Tax Song.

















The large wallpaper version of this ^ artwork entitled Death and Taxes is available, too.

Some tax preparation services go all out just to get your attention.

Its a stretch putting this here, but its the story of an interesting Tax Sale in 1996.

THE QUARTER

A father walks into the market followed by his ten-year-old son. The kid is spinning a 25-cent piece in the air and catching it between his teeth. As they walk through the market someone bumps into the boy at just the wrong moment and the coin goes straight into his mouth and lodges in his throat. He immediately starts choking and going blue in the face and Dad starts panicking, shouting and screaming for help.

A middle-aged, fairly unremarkable man in a gray suit is sitting at a coffee bar in the market reading his newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion he looks up, puts his coffee cup down on the saucer, neatly folds his newspaper and places it on the counter. He gets up from his seat and makes his unhurried way across the market. Reaching the boy (who is still standing, but only just) the man takes hold of the kid and squeezes gently but firmly. After a few seconds the boy coughs up the quarter, which the man catches in his free hand.

The man then walks back to his seat in the coffee bar without saying a word. As soon as he is sure that his son was fine, the father rushes over to the man and starts effusively thanking him. The man looks embarrassed and brushes off the thanks. As he's about to leave, the father asks one last question. "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before - it was fantastic - what are you, a surgeon or something like that?"

"No" the man replies, "I work for the IRS, getting people to cough it up is my business."

IN LINE

In a long line of people waiting for a bank teller, one guy suddenly started massaging the back of the person in front of him. Surprised, the man in front turned and snarled, "Just what the hell you are doing?"

"Well," said the guy, "you see, I'm a chiropractor and I could tell that you were tense, so I thought I'd massage your back"

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!" the guy replied. "I work for the IRS. Do you see me screwing the guy in front of me?"



* I R S: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.


Thought for today: Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?

15 comments:

Kate said...

Erm. Um. Miss C., straight from the IRS website:

"Tax Deadline Approaching
Taxpayers in most of the country will have until Monday, April 17 to file and pay, because the 15th falls on Saturday. Due to the Patriots Day holiday, residents of Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, New York, Vermont and the District of Columbia will have until Tuesday, April 18. Individual and business taxpayers in the parishes and counties most severely damaged by Hurricane Katrina have until August 28."

Dick said...

I also got mine done in Feb. Don't you think most of those that are going to be sent in this weekend are those who have to pay more money? I would be sending mine now if I hadn't had a refund coming back.

Anonymous said...

What's a four letter word that isn't four letters? *TOING* yup...taxes.

Historically speaking, the blood-sucking tendency of the IRS is grotesquely apparent with their selection of April 15 as their normal "Sign Ze Papers Now, Pig" day. Note:

Abraham Lincoln died of his wounds received at Ford's Theatre on the morning of April 15, 1865.

The HMS Titanic sank on the morning of April 15, 1912, a few hours after the collision with/torpedoeing by the iceberg/alien U-boat (if you buy into The Weekly World News version)

The Ford Pinto was invented on April 15, 1970....the fact its gas tank was prone to exploding was noted on April 15, the next year (okay, so I sorta made that up).

At any rate, go figger ;-)


'Skunk'

Anonymous said...

In Canada the deadline is April 30th. Thank goodness.. cause I have yet to tackle mine.

jules said...

My refund has also been spent and long gone...laughed at the Uncle Sam stripper!

OldHorsetailSnake said...

Hey, Missy, thanks. I got through ALL the links today. I am SO thrilled.

Hale McKay said...

Nice post, Miss C. A timely one too. My tax refund went already to pay off the home-heating oil bill for past winter. (Sigh) Easy come- easy go!
...Like Jules, I too got a kick out of Uncle Sam stripping.

Evan said...

I just got 04 05 done and can get the new financial year done next month, I love this country. (Touch wood I have not been audited yet!)

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