Monday, April 17, 2006


My gratitude goes out to many friends who have sent links and jokes my way. You are keeping me in business, as it were. There are a few certain people who don't want to share the good stuff with me until they publish it themselves, but I can understand why. The rest of you who don't have humor blogs, are always welcome to contribute, and I'll give credit where its due. If I don't credit you for a joke you've sent, that means I already had it. Believe me, I've got some BIG FILES!

Gothgrrl helped me clean out the cement pond over the weekend. She had a great time mucking out the bottom, transferring the sludge (fish poop, rotted leaves, and worm carcasses) to the rose garden. I didn't tell her what she was lifting. I figured if she knew, I'd end up doing all the work myself. And that would defeat the purpose of having kids, now, wouldn't it?

Spring has sprung! My vegetable garden is plowed, the cement pond is relatively clean, meaning we can see the fish now (and I have the sore muscles to prove it), the window fans are installed, and my flowers are blooming! Thanks to the Christmas gift of digital photography, you can enjoy my lilac tree. I wish you could smell it. I just want to wander into the front yard every few minutes to grab a whiff.

Arbroath knows a sign of spring when he/she sees it.

Easter wrap up: The Peeps Diorama Competition had me giggling. I couldn’t decide what I liked best, the Brokeback Mountain parody or the New Orleans scene. Watch the slideshow! (Thanks, Carol Anne!)

To celebrate his 200th Captain’s log entry, Jean-Luc Picard threw a party, and I got to command the Enterprise for a short while! It was quite an honor, even though it could have been classified as tresspassing. Glad to be there when needed! You might be familiar with some of the other participants.

Strange and funny games show answers, from the TV show Family Fortune. In the US, it would be Family Feud.

THE TOAST (Thanks, April!)

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!" That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best Toast of the night"

She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"

John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."

"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."

You know those occasional pictures you see of sports figures with their pants pulled off during a game or some such? Sports Dignity is a site where all those pictures are available. Duh: contains nudity.

Are you a slut? Take the test!
Your score is: 28.75% ... Our verdict: You're not really slutty
Of course, I knew that! Really, I did!

In this game, you try to hit Tom Delay with a hammer (that’s his nickname, see), but not the other representatives in congress. Not as easy as it seems! But good for venting. (via the Presurfer)

Disturbing. An art show featuring portraits of crying toddlers. To pose them, the artist gave them candy, then took it away. (via Arbroath)

Very cool Love and Hate shirt.

Vampire Killing Kit.

Life During War has become active again! Citizen X is working on a series called The Infidel’s Lexicon, trying to sort through the Newspeak surrounding the war.

The quiz that really makes sense. This is amazing! (Thanks, Joe!)

Your Hidden Talent

You have the power to persuade and influence others.

You're the type of person who can turn a whole room around.

The potential for great leadership is there, as long as you don't abuse it.

Always remember, you have a lot more power over people than you might think!

Hymns For All Occasions

The Dentist's Hymn: .................... Crown Him with Many Crowns
The Weatherman's Hymn ............ There Shall Be Showers of Blessings
The Contractor's Hymn: ............... The Church's One Foundation
The Tailor's Hymn: ....................... Holy, Holy, Holy
The Golfer's Hymn: ...................... There's a Green Hill Far Away
The Politician's Hymn: ................. Standing on the Promises
The Optometrist's Hymn: ............. Open My Eyes That I Might See
The IRS Agent's Hymn: ................ I Surrender All
The Gossip's Hymn: .. ................. Pass It On
The Electrician's Hymn: ............... Send The Light
The Shopper's Hymn: ................. Sweet By and By
The Realtor's Hymn: ................... I've Got a Mansion Just Over the Hilltop
The Massage Therapists Hymn .... He Touched Me
The Doctor's Hymn: ................... The Great Physician

AND for those who speed on the highway - a few hymns:
-----45mph................God Will Take Care of You
-----55mph.................Guide Me, O Thou Great Jehovah
-----65mph.................Nearer My God To Thee
-----75mph.................Nearer Still Nearer
-----85mph.................This World Is Not My Home
-----95mph.................Lord, I'm Coming Home
----Over 100mph.........Precious Memories

As time goes by... this family takes a headshot every year. See how they look in chronological order. Neat.

Size matters, especially when you are 11 years old and have a paper due at school.

ER did his own Brokeback Mountain parody, with this photopost entitled Catback Mountain.

Bush News Conference Response Generator. (Thanks, Ed!)

I really like this game where you have to find a particular person in a crowd. I didn’t do all that well, but I love the way the graphics move around. (via Arbroath)

Thought for today: I've taken a vow of poverty. To annoy me, send money.


Dick said...

Those are good, as always. I don't see many humor posts that you haven't already seen since yours is the only humor blog I read! I will try to find some to send on, I guess I'll just send them to your email address.

arbroath said...

Hi Miss Cellania,

When I last checked I was definitely still male. :)

Very best wishes.

Karen said...

I LOVE lilacs! I am waiting, not so patiently, for them to bloom here. There are only a few leaves budding so far.

*snortle* about the baseball pic, see why I like baseball?! LOL

Have a great day!

Anonymous said...

Love the baseball pic too. When I get to work and have more time (huh?) I'll come back and click through to see more of those!

Thanks for stopping by my blog!

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Wonderful things!

By the way, you looked after the Enterprise better than Riker does. Thanks for coming to the 200th post party!

Saur♥Kraut said...

The love/hate shirt: talk about truth in advertising! I've seen the Vampire Kit at Ripley's Believe it or Not Museum!

Carl said...

Believe me, I've got some BIG FILES!

Show me your files and I'll throw you some beads, dear...

Carl said...

Believe me, I've got some BIG FILES!

Show me your files and I'll throw you some beads, dear...

LZ Blogger said...

I'm only here for a LAUGH!... (well and to annoy you just a little)! The check is in the mail! ~ jb///

Anonymous said...

Your lilac tree is blooming already? I'm soooooooooo jealous!

Pirate said...

I love your blog. you have the whole bag of fun here.

Carol Anne said...

Hey friend!

Love the lilacs! Two more weeks, and they'll be up here. Do an extra sniff or two for me!

Glad you liked the Peeps. That New Orleans diorama was a kicker.

OldHorsetailSnake said...

Great PEEP show. But I wouldn't be happy if I were occupied, either. Except maybe by you.

Miss Cellania said...

Dick, don't feel you have to work for your welcome here, its just an invitation, not an order!

Arbroath, glad to know that! Not that it make a difference in my high opinion of you, but I wondered if it was a secret.

Karen and Sophmom, I hope you enjoyed the rest of that site... its a real eye-opener!

Captain, thank YOU!

Saur, you got THAT right. Someone had mentioned somewhere that there were several of these vampire kits manufactured specifically for Ripley's.

Miss Cellania said...

Carl, they are really not all THAT big.

JB, I'll be checking my mailbox!

Risible, yours is coming. And by then, mine will be all gone til next year.

Pirate, you're in danger of getting a quote on the header. Thanks!

Carol Anne, I've heard more back on the New Orleans diorama than any other. Just plain clever!

Hoss, you ARE a silver-tongued devil!