Wednesday, April 26, 2006
April sent me an email thing that was supposed to make you fee all nostalgic for children’s toys and other fads of the 70s and 80s. I couldn’t relate at all, because I was an adult in that time period. She managed to make me feel quite ancient, again.
She was listening to some CDs the other day, and that old familar riff came on, “Under Pressure” by Davd Bowie and Queen. But it was “Ice Ice Baby” and we remarked about how OLD the song was. (chorus: how old was it?) April tried to remember which GRADE she was in when the song was hot. I tried to remember who I was married to. We finally looked it up... 1990. Vanillla Ice’s song is 16 years old. It could get a driver’s liscence. And I think I will go take another dose of Geritol. And put a blanket over my legs.
Things other people did when they were your age. In case you needed another reason to be depressed. (Thanks, Del!)
The Institute of Official Cheer will remind you of some of the not-so-wonderful things from the past.
25 signs you have grown up.
OVER 30 AND A CURMUDGEON ALREADY
When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning .. uphill BOTH ways ..
yadda, yadda, yadda And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!
But now that...
I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia!
And I hate to say it, but you kids today you don't know how good you've got it!
I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!!
There was no email! We had to actually write somebody a letter ... with a pen & pencil! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there!
There were no MP3's or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself! Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ'd usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up!
And talk of about hardship? You couldn't just Download porn! You had to steal it from your brother or bribe some homeless dude to buy you a copy of "Hustler" at the 7-11! Those were your options!
We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that's it!
And we didn't have fancy Caller ID Boxes either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!
We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! ! ;We had the Atari 2600! With games like "Space Invaders"and "asteroids" and the graphics sucked ass! Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!
Sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 15 channels and there was no onscreen menu and no remote control! You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on!
You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel and there was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little rat-bastards!
And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up we had to use the stove or go build a frigging fire .. imagine that! If we wanted popcorn, we had to use that Stupid JiffyPop thing and shake it over the stove forever like an idiot.
That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled. You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980!
The 30 Something crowd!
OK, here is the list April sent that started all this...
YOU WERE A GIRL IN THE 70S (and 80's) IF...
You wore a rainbow shirt that had half-sleeves; the rainbow went up one sleeve, across your chest, and down the other.
You made baby chocolate cakes in your Easy Bake Oven and washed them down with snow cones from your Snoopy Snow Cone Machine.
You begged Santa for the electronic game Simon.
You had that Fisher Price Doctor's Kit with a stethoscope that actually worked.
You owned a bicycle with a banana seat and a plastic basket with flowers on it.
You learned to skate with actual skates (not roller blades) that had metal wheels.
You thought Gopher from the Love Boat was cute! (Admit it!)
You had nightmares after watching Fantasy Island.
You had rubber boots for rainy days and Moon boots for snowy days.
You had either a "bowl cut" or "pixie," not to mention the "Dorothy Hamill" because your Mom was sick of braiding your hair. People sometimes thought you were a boy.
Your Holly Hobbie sleeping bag was your most prized possession.
You wore a poncho, gauchos, and knickers.
You could spend hours playing Pong!
You had the Donnie and Marie dolls with those pink and purple satiny shredded outfits.
You spent hours in your backyard on your metal swing set with the trapeze.
(The swing set tipped over at least once!)
You were really into ping pong and pogo sticks.
You had homemade ribbon barrettes in every imaginable color.
Your hairstyle was described as having "wings" or "feathers" and you kept it "pretty" with the comb you kept in your back pocket.
You had to make sure that no boys would grab the comb out of your back pocket and skate away at the roller rink!
You know who Strawberry Shortcake is, as well as her friends, Blueberry,Muffin and Huckleberry Pie.
You carried a lunch box to school and it was metal, not plastic.
You and your girlfriends would fight over which of the Dukes of Hazzard, was your boyfriend.
Every now and then "It's a Hard Knock Life" from the movie, "Annie" will pop into your brain and you can't stop singing it the whole day.
YOU had Star Wars action figures, too!
You had a pair of Doctor Scholl's sandals (the ones with hard sole &the buckle).
You wanted to be Laura Ingalls Wilder really bad; you wore that Little House on the Prairie-inspired plaid, ruffle shirt with the high neck in at least one school picture; and you despised Nellie Olson!
It was a big event in your household each year when the "Wizard of Oz"
would come on TV. Your mom would break out the popcorn and sleeping bags!
You often asked your Magic-8 ball the question: "Who will I marry. Shaun Cassidy, Leif Garrett, or Andy Gibb?"
You completely wore out your Grease, Saturday Night Fever, and Fame soundtrack record albums.
You tried to do lots of arts and crafts,like yarn and Popsicle-stick God's eyes, decoupage, or those weird potholders made on a plastic loom.
You made Shrinky-Dinks and put iron-on kittens on your t-shirts!
You used to tape record songs off the radio by holding your portable tape player up to the speaker.
You thought Olivia Newton John's song "Physical" was about aerobics.
You wore friendship pins on your tennis shoes, or shoelaces with heart or rainbow designs.
You wanted to be a Solid Gold dancer.
You couldn't wait to get the free animal poster that came when you ordered books from the Scholastic book club. Double score if it was a teddy bear dressed in clothing. And the posters always had permanent creases because they came folded!
You learned everything you needed to know about "the facts of life" from Judy Blume books.
You wanted your first kiss to be at a roller rink.
You had a Big Wheel with a brake on the side, and a Sit-n-Spin.
This reminds me of when I was flirting with this one really hot geek from Generation X, and he was telling me about how Star Wars was an important part of his childhood. He had all the toys, and even role-played with his school friends. He asked me to recall the first time I saw Star Wars. I told him I didn't remember much about the first time, but I saw it again a few days later when I was sober, and liked it better. I decided he was altogether too young for me.
(sigh) When Gen-X starts to wax nostalgic, its time for us Baby Boomers to pull up a rocking chair. Here’s some link for us older folks.
Remember the 1950s.
SOMEBODY SAID IT
I've gotten to the age where I need my false teeth and hearing aid before I can ask where I left my glasses.
I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.
If I knew I was going to get this old, I would have taken better care of myself when I was young.
If you laugh a lot, when you get older your wrinkles will be in the right places.
Middle age is when you burn the midnight oil around 9:00 PM.
My grandson asked me if I still look at young women - I said yes, but I can't remember why.
Thought for today: By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere. - Billy Crystal
humor jokes video funny middle age aging midlife Gen-X generation x