Sunday, April 09, 2006

Linkosity

I read in some blog somewhere, "you are what you post". Just the thought of that makes me want to gnash my teeth. But I gave up gnashing long ago on the advice of my dentist. And I've got enough angst going in my life right now already. I'm trying to plan TWO birthday parties without having either of them here at the house, which I do not want to clean. My garden work is just beginning. I quit smoking two months ago and still want one about once an hour. I gained ten pounds and don't know how to take them off, considering I'm walking two miles a day, lifting weights and dancing, skipping meals, and no sweets or breads at all. What else can I deny myself? How else can I make my life miserable? What else can I whine and complain about? Oh well, despite the opening line here, I will pass along the amusing but useless links I came across this week.

Video: Smoking can seriously damage your health.

I've never been good with a sliding puzzle. You are probably better. Try the one with my face on it, or you can make your own!

Top Ten Classic Viral Videos.

Cy, the Cyclops Kitten has found a final resting place.

Make this little pipecleaner man dance! Addictive.

Ugly baby contest. I would qualify this as an ugly baby PICTURE contest. I bet these kids are cute in real life

You can find anything on the net! The problem is, most of its really boring. You’d think a website on how to lace your shoes might be boring, but you’d be wrong. Ian’s Showlace Site has instructions on turning your shoes into works of art.

The end of the world, set to music. Actually, this video shows a compilation of early atomic blasts taken from individual short films of the tests.

THE BURGLAR

A burglar broke into a house one night.

He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, “Jesus is watching you.”

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight out, and froze.
When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light on and began searching for more valuables.

Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, “Jesus is watching you.”

Freaked out, he shone his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

“Did you say that?” He hissed at the parrot.

“Yep,” the parrot confessed, then squawked, “I’m just trying to warn you.”

The burglar relaxed. “Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?”

“Moses,” replied the bird.

“Moses?” the burglar laughed. “What kind of people would name a bird Moses?”

“The kind of people that would name a rottweiler, “Jesus.”


I took the Idiot Test I found at Wulfweard.

I am 5% Idiot.
Friggin Genius
I am not annoying at all. In fact most people come to me for advice. Of course they annoy the hell out of me. But what can I do? I am smarter than most people.


You’re My Favorite Idiot. Send this to someone you ... want to bother. Then that tune will be stuck in HIS head all day!

The Top 20 Strangest Gadgets and Accessories.

In case you can’t get enough bling with normal jewelry, you can now decorate your teeth for any ocassion. (Thanks, Bill!)

New from Mark Fiore: Migraphobia.


Top 45 Oxymorons

45. Act naturally
44. Found missing
43. Resident alien
42. Advanced BASIC
41. Genuine imitation
40. Airline Food
39. Good grief
38. Same difference
37. Almost exactly
36. Government organization
35. Sanitary landfill
34. Alone together
33. Legally drunk
32. Silent scream
31. Living dead
30. Small crowd
29. Business ethics
28. Soft rock
27. Butt Head
26. Military Intelligence
25. Software documentation
24. New classic
23. Sweet sorrow
22. Childproof
21. "Now, then ..."
20. Synthetic natural gas
19. Passive aggression
18. Taped live
17. Clearly misunderstood
16. Peace force
15. Extinct Life
14. Temporary tax increase
13. Computer jock
12. Plastic glasses
11. Terribly pleased
10. Computer security
9. Political science
8. Tight slacks
7. Definite maybe
6. Pretty ugly
5. Twelve-ounce pound cake
4. Diet ice cream
3. Working vacation
2. Exact estimate
1. Microsoft Works

Do It Yourself Laser Eye Surgery.

Commentary on bad comic books. So bad, they are good.

Politicians arrested for violating their Family Values.

How NOT to get a bear out of a tree! (via Arbroath)

I am a fan of a blogger who’s the publicity rep or travel coordinator or something for this group. So if you listen to them and like them and buy a CD, I’d appreciate it.

PEST CONTROL

A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from a pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly.

"Quick," said the woman to her lover, "into the closet!" and she pushed him in the closet, stark naked.

The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom discovered the man in the closet.

"Who are you?" he asked him.

"I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone," said the exterminator.

"What are you doing in there?" the husband asked.

"I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths," the man replied.

"And where are your clothes?" asked the husband.

The man looked down at himself and said,
"Those little devils."

Watch these cool but useless contraptions at work! The video is nine minutes, so load it when you have something offline to do.




Thought for today: There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved by a suitable application of high explosives.

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

2 months being smoke free is absolutely wonderful. I quit 4 years ago.. it was the hardest and best thing I ever did. It is very difficult at first but you must have the right mind set if you have managed 2 months. The good news is.. it does get easier and the cravings do go away. Way to go girl!! I still marvel at the freedom I feel because I am no longer chained to cigarettes.

Jean-Luc Picard said...

The oxymorons are fantastis, especially 'Microsoft Works'

Carl said...

Where's my hug, "Lisa"? :-)

Duke_of_Earle said...

I particularly like the "Thought for Today." Works for me!

John

jules said...

I'm a commentin' now where's my hug?

jules said...

I'm a commentin' now where's my hug?

Miss Cellania said...

Sorry I'm late getting in here... Blogger decided to go all spastic on me AGAIN! I'mnow back to NOT loading any blogspot sites, including my own (I had to come in here through the back door). Last time, this lasted three months. GRRR

(((Jules)))

(((John)))

(((Carl)))

(((Captain)))

(((Coll)))

You may say thats not much of a hug, but I may say you didn't leave that much of a comment!

LZ Blogger said...

Ms. C. ~ I actually saw this Edvard Munch painting "The Scream" while in Paris. They had a show at a small gallery displaying a lot of Munch's work. The gallery was somewhere between the Musse D'Orsey and The Lourve. This guy Munch had some REAL issues. Of course all you have to do is LOOK at the painting to tell that! ~ jb///

quotidian said...

I really love your blog, Ms. C.! Damn, I just spent a lot of time reading your entries! :)

Being a Mac user, I loved #1 of your top 45 oxymorons. Hmmmmm...did you know that the new Macbook Pro laptops can boot up using Microsoft Windows? Freaky, eh?

Anonymous said...

I couldn't get the face puzzle even with the hints, although it was fun trying.

Thanks for the link to it though, my daughter should have fun with it. :)