Friday, December 02, 2005

Christmas Decorations

Time to deck the halls, or in this case of us hillbillies, the porch, front lawn, roof, driveway, garden, and mailbox. Its not that difficult, most of us have the lights still up from last year. I don’t mind folks who leave their Christmas lights up all year, but the ones who turn them on every night til Daylight Savings Time begins are kind of annoying. Personally, I have an excuse for overdoing it. I have children. Blame it on the kids, bless their hearts, they enjoy the decorations so.

There is one problem. Normally, I would put my lights up sometime during Thanksgiving weekend. This year, I bought two boxes of new lights (like I don’t have enough old lights, yeah) and put them somewhere safe. So safe that I cannot find them. I have turned the house upside down, but they are MIA. I’m sure they will show up around April.

Some houses around here would take your breath away. Inflatables bigger than the house. Scenes projected on clapboard, or even brick! And there’s that perennial Yuletide abomination, the Bethlehem stable with Santa and his reindeer on the roof. I'd take a picture, but I don't have a digital camera, Santa Claus (hint hint).

Alek Komarnitsky gained fame a few years ago with his website that allowed surfers to control his Christmas lights. Turns out that was a hoax, and he gained more fame after the revelation. Here’s the story. And here’s his Christmas website.

Check out this ultra-lighted house in Monte Sereno, California, including a 360 panorama.

Planet Christmas has a gallery of overlighted homes.

Houseblinger is a site to see the most decorated houses of England.

But none can compare to the lights of Wizards of Winter, synchronized to the music of the Trans Siberian Orchestra. This is the home of Carson Williams of Mason, Ohio. He assures in this interview that us he did NOT edit the video. The display was computer-synchronized and the music was broadcast on an FM frequency. Instructions on how to do this yourself can be found here.

Read about Richmond, Virginia's Tacky Xmas Decoration Contest and Grand Highly Illuminated House Tour. This site also has links to other decoration nightmares.

A collection of ugly decorations.

Here’s a site that will help you become your neighborhood Clark Griswold. But watch out for your Home Owner’s Association! I also found this funny story about one man’s Clark Griswold experience.

However, for sheer wattage, I think this guy won.

Some people take their Christmas decorating way too seriously.

Things Not To Say When Hanging Lights

"Up a little higher. You can reach it. Go on, try."

"What the hell do you do to these lights when you put them away every year? Tie them in knot?"

"Come away from that aluminum ladder, kids. I'm going to fry that sucker."

"If you're not going to do it right, don't do it at all. Don't just throw them on, like you do the icicles. You're worse than your father."

"You've got the whole thing on the tree upside-down. The electric pluggee thing should be down here at the bottom, not up at the top."

"I don't care if you have found another two strings, I'm done!"

"You've just wound 'em around and around - I thought we agreed it shouldn't look like a spiral this year?"

"Give me that!"

"Have you been drinking?"

"Where's the cat?"


Hillbillys are masters of recycling. We always knew those flamingos would be good for something!

Might as well make your display realistic as you can, so to speak. (Thanks, Joe!)

I think the sign is totally unneccessary.

More Redneck Christmas lights. Use what you got!

Thought for today: Nothing succeeds like excess.


Erudite Redneck said...

Hey, that deer hangin' from the tree is splained over at my place!!

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