Monday, December 26, 2005
Happy Hanukah! I found out there are 16 ways to spell Hanukah (I chose the simplest). Happy Kawnzaa! And a joyous Boxing Day! Now, there's a holiday I never really undertood, and still don't. But happy merry anyway.
I managed to visit all the family members and eat myself into a stupor for Christmas. I also cleaned up on gifts, including a DIGITAL CAMERA! (Thanks, Mom!) I am going to be dangerous now! Or at least as soon as I figure out how to use it, which may be quite a while. My daughters received on obscene amount of gifts. The elder now has a collection of new Barbie movies and dolls, and the younger has every Star Wars toy ever imagined. I'm so glad we don't give New Years gifts!
Some days you just don’t want to get out of bed.
Do you know what they are doing at Saddam’s trial? They are playing games!
The All Too Flat guys turned a Manhattan sculpture into a Rubik’s Cube.
How to keep an idiot busy.
Apartment living can get you down, as illustrated in the cartoon Neuro.
Latest celebrity blog discovery: The Pope.
OK, these folks are going to make an attempt at altering the earth’s orbit. They think this can happen if enough people jump up and down at the same time. That time will be on July 20, 2006 at 11:39AM GMT.
I hope this is totally unrelated, but I also found complete instructions on how to destroy the earth.
I want this cool as ice Laser Chess game!
Air Traffic Controller transmissions that make you day "hmmm".
Sometimes I honestly believe that a liscence should be issued before anyone can post something on the internet. Case in point: the story I Like Monkeys.
Online store: White Trash Palace.
Sanjeev, down at the Nevashut Convenience Store, is getting pretty bored on the all-night shift. Maybe you can help him out.
RICHES IN HEAVEN
There once was a rich man who was near death. He was very grieved because he had worked so hard for his money and he wanted to be able to take it with him to heaven. So he began to pray that he might be able to take some of his wealth with him.
An angel hears his plea and appears to him. "Sorry, but you can't take your wealth with you." The man implores the angel to speak to God to see if He might bend the rules. The man continues to pray that his wealth could follow him. The angel reappears and informs the man that God has decided to allow him to take one suitcase with him. Overjoyed, the man gathers his largest suitcase and fills it with pure gold bars and places it beside his bed.
Soon afterward the man dies and shows up at the Gates of Heaven to greet St. Peter. St. Peter seeing the suitcase says, "Hold on, you can't bring that in here!" But, the man explains to St. Peter that he has permission and asks him to verify his story with the Lord.
Sure enough, St. Peter checks and comes back saying, "You're right. You are allowed one carry-on bag, but I'm supposed to check its contents before letting it through." St. Peter opens the suitcase to inspect the worldly items that the man found too precious to leave behind and exclaims,
"You brought pavement?"
During a practical exercise at a military police base, the instructor was giving the class instructions in unarmed self-defense. After he presented a number of different situations
in which they might find themselves, he asked a student, "What steps would you take if someone were coming at you with a large, sharp knife?"
The student replied, "Big, Fast Ones!"
Anyone up for a caption contest here?
A man went into a pharmacy and asked to talk to a male pharmacist. The woman he was talking to said that she was the pharmacist and that she and her sister owned the store, so there were no males employed there. She then asked if there was something she could help the
The man said "This is embarrassing for me, but I have a permanent erection which causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment. I was wondering what you could give me for it?"
The pharmacist said "Just a minute, I'll go talk to my sister."
When she returned, she said, "the best we can do is 1/3 ownership in the store and $3000 a month in living expenses."
Thought for today: If you knew what was going on, you'd be very confused.
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