Wednesday, December 14, 2005

The Cat's Christmas

Every year when the tree goes up, the cat thinks its her birthday. Such a nice gift! A tree right there in the house, with lots of branches to climb, and toys and candy hung on every branch! They even put lights on it so I can see the toys better! They even put it in front of the window, so I’ll have a great view when I reach the top! They must really love me!

How to keep your cat from climbing a Christmas tree.

Cat in tree photo sequence.

A little cat named Buddah posted about the wonderful tree on his blog. And he got some nice comments from his kitty friends.


'Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the house
Not a creature was stirring,
Not even a mouse.

'Cuzz the cat had pounced on him
And tore him apart -
Ate his mouse intestines
And chewed up his heart.

Kitty thought he heard sleighbells,
Which made him take pause -
He stopped daintily licking
The blood from his claws.

"Must be Santa," thought Kitty
(That quite clever cat)
'Cuz nobody else climbs down
The chimney like that.

Indeed it was ol' Santa
So jolly and fat
With a huge load of presents
And all for the cat!

"Wow, the best Christmas ever!"
Kitty thought with a purr,
Then he coughed up a hairball
And shed some more fur!

Wrapping Presents with a Cat

1. Clear large space on table for wrapping present.

2. Go to closet and collect bag in which present is contained, and shut door.

3. Open door and remove cat from closet.

4. Go to cupboard and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper.

5. Go back and remove cat from cupboard.

6. Go to drawer, and collect transparent sticky tape, ribbons, scissors, labels, etc. . .

7. Lay out presents and wrapping materials on table, to enable wrapping strategy to be formed.

8. Go back to drawer to get string, remove cat that has been in the drawer since last visit and collect string.

9. Remove present from bag.

10. Remove cat from bag.

11. Open box to check present, remove cat from box, replace present.

12. Lay out paper to enable cutting to size.

13. Try and smooth out paper, realize cat is underneath and remove cat.

14. Cut the paper to size, keeping the cutting line straight.

15. Throw away first sheet as cat chased the scissors, and tore the paper.

16. Cut second sheet of paper to size - by putting cat in the bag the present came in.

17. Place present on paper.

18. Lift up edges of paper to seal in present. Wonder why edges don't reach. Realize cat is between present and paper. Remove cat.

19. Place object on paper, to hold in place while tearing transparent sticky tape.

20. Spend 20 minutes carefully trying to remove transparent sticky tape from cat with pair of nail scissors.

21. Seal paper with sticky tape, making corners as neat as possible.

22. Look for roll of ribbon. Chase cat down hall in order to retrieve ribbon.

23. Try to wrap present with ribbon in a two-directional turn.

24. Re-roll ribbon and remove paper, which is now torn due to cat's enthusiastic ribbon chase.

25. Repeat steps 13-20 until you reach last sheet of paper.

26. Decide to skip steps 13-17 in order to save time and reduce risk of losing last sheet of paper. Retrieve old cardboard box that is the right size for sheet of paper.

27. Put present in box, and tie down with string.

28. Remove string, open box and remove cat.

29. Put all packing materials in bag with present and head for locked room.

30. Once inside lockable room, lock door and start to relay out paper and materials.

31. Remove cat from box, unlock door, put cat outside door, close and relock.

32. Repeat previous step as often as is necessary (until you can hear cat from outside door)

33. Lay out last sheet of paper. (This will be difficult in the small area of the toilet, but do your best)

34. Discover cat has already torn paper. Unlock door go out and hunt through various cupboards, looking for sheet of last year's paper. Remember that you haven't got any left because cat helped with this last year as well.

35. Return to lockable room, lock door, and sit on toilet and try to make torn sheet of paper look presentable.

36. Seal box, wrap with paper and repair by very carefully sealing with sticky tape. Tie up with ribbon and decorate with bows to hide worst areas.

37. Label. Sit back and admire your handiwork, congratulate yourself on completing a difficult job.

38. Unlock door, and go to kitchen to make drink and feed cat.

39. Spend 15 minutes looking for cat until coming to obvious conclusion.

40. Unwrap present, untie box and remove cat.

41. Go to store and buy a gift bag

See also: Baking Cookies with a Cat.

Cats' Top Ten Christmas Songs

10. Up on the Mousetop
9. Have Yourself a Furry Little Christmas
8. Joy to the Curled
7. I Saw Mommy Hiss at Santa Claus
6. The First Meow
5. Oh, Come All Ye Fishful
4. Silent Mice
3. Fluffy, the Snowman
2. Jingle Balls
1. Wreck the Halls!

Thought for today: Anything not nailed down is a cat toy.


Yoda's Papa said...

Obviously you have had a similar experience to us (see last photo at bottom of blog):

Miss Cellania said...

Aww, your cat looks a lot like Mingus, my penultimate black cat. I SURE WISH I had a digital camera!

Amyesq said...

I love how you're just like "Yeah, whatever. The cat knocked down the Christmas tree." Had to send link to my husband. Will induce nightmares.

Miss Cellania said...

A knocked-down Christmas tree is common, with all these dogs, cats, and kids! The last time I had anything breakable on a Christmas tree was college, I think!

Hale McKay said...

You gotta leave it to the cats. We no longer use glass ornaments on our trees - come to think of it, I'm not so sure we have any left! Forget tinsel(Icicles)!

But now we have a fiber-optic tree - we can get by with no decorations on it!

Hale McKay said...

P.S. By the way I "borrowed" the Cat with the mistletoe pic. Don't be surprised if i manage to slip it into a post between now and Christmas.

Erudite Redneck said...

How the heck did a big ol' manly-man redneck like my own self wind up fallin' for a dang kitty cat???? :-)