You think when you graduate, that you are through with school and can get on with real life. Think again! I am now going through second and third grade all over again, as I try my best to drag my kids up to average grades. I can explain concepts all night, but I can't make them listen. I can supervise and scan homework, but I can't rewire their brains. I can set an example and create a work-friendly environment, but I can't inject a work ethic. Believe me, this is a LOT harder the second time around! So we may as well laugh about it.
This guy fancies himself an art critic.. as he takes on your children’s masterpieces!
Draw a kaleidoscope. This one's fun! Show the kids.
Virtual Sand Art. Much less messy than the real thing.
My eight-year-old daughters favorite website, Evergirl.
My seven-year-old daughter’s favorite website, Star Wars (of course).
Could you pass eighth-grade science?
| You Passed 8th Grade Science |
 Congratulations, you got 7/8 correct! |
Science Song Lyrics might help you pass eighth-grade science. Sing these and you’ll remember your facts!
English to 12-year-old AOLer translator.
I put in: Have you finished tonight homework yet? Not me, its just too difficult. I will probably get in trouble.
I got out: HAEV U FINISHED 2NIGHT HOM3WORK YET?!!??!! OMG NOT M3 ITS JUST 2 DIFICULT11!!1!! LOL I WIL PROBABLY G3T IN TROUBLE!1!!! OMG WTF LOL
PRE-SCHOOL TEST
Pre-school children were asked the following question:
"In which direction is the bus pictured below traveling?"
Look carefully at the picture.
Do you know the answer?
The only possible answers are "left" and "right."
V
V
V
Think about it ..
V
V
V
Still don't know?
V
V
V
Okay, I'll tell you.
V
V
V
The pre-schoolers all answered "left."
When asked, "Why do you think the bus is traveling in the left direction?" they answered:
"Because you can't see the door."
Feel pretty silly now, don't you?
I know ... me, too.
Some kids are smarter than others... but not this one!
THE COUNSELOR
The new elementary school counselor was eager to help. One day during recess she noticed a girl standing by herself on one side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer at the other. She approached and asked if the girl was all right. The girl said she was fine.
A little while later, however, the counselor noticed the girl was in the same spot, still by herself. Approaching again, she offered, "Would you like me to be your friend?"
The girl hesitated, then said, "Okay," looking at the woman suspiciously.
Feeling she was making progress, the counselor then asked, "Why are you standing here all alone?"
The little girl heaved a sigh of great exasperation and said, "Because . . . I'm the goalie!"
DEEP THOUGHTS FROM KIDS
I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of thier life -- Age 15
Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot, and a great big bag of money -- Age 13
It sure would be nice if we got a day off for the president's birthday, like they do for the queen, Of course, we would have a lot of people voting for a candidate born on July 3 or December 26, just for the long weekends -- Age 8
Democracy is a beautiful thing, except for that part about letting just any old yokel vote -- Age 10
Home is where the house is. --Age 6
I often wonder how come John Tesh isn't as popular a singer as some people think he should be. Then, I remember its because he sucks-- Age 15
For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese. Then the astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock. That's what happens to cheese when you leave it out -- Age 6
My young brother asked me what happens after we die. I told him we get buried under a bunch of dirt and worms eat our bodies. I guess I should have told him the truth--that most of us go to hell and burn eternally--but I didn't want to upset him -- age 10
I gase at the brilliant full moon. The same one, I think to myself, at which Socrates, Aristotole and Plato gazed. Suddenly, I imagine they appear beside me. I tell Socrates about the national debate over one's right to die and wonder at the constancy of the human condition. I tell Plato that I live in the country that has come the closest to Utopia, and I show him a copy of the Constitution. I tell Aristotle that we have found many more than four basic elements and I show a periodic table. I get a box of kitchen matches and strike one. They gasp with wonder. We spend the rest of the night lighting farts. -- Age 15
When I go to heaven I want to see my grandfather again. But he better have lost the nose hair and the old-man smell -- Age 5
I once heard the voice of God. It said "Vrrrrmmmmm." Unless it was just a lawn mower -- Age 11
I don't know about you, but I enjoy watching paint dry. I imagine that the wet paint is a big freshwater lake that is the only source of water for some tiny cities by the lake. As the lake gets drier, the population gets more desperate, and sometimes there are water riots. Once there was a big fire and everyone died -- Age 13
I like to go down to the dog pound and pretend that I've found my dog. Then I telll them to kill it anyway because I alread gave away all of his stuff. Dog people sure don't have a sense of humor -- Age 14
As you make your way through this hectic world of ours, set aside a few minutes each day. At the end of the year, you'll have a couple of days saved up -- Age 7
Often, when I'm reading a good book, I stop and thank my teacher. That is, I used to, until she got an unlisted number -- Age 15
It would be terrible if the Red Cross Bloodmobile got into an accident. No, wait. That would be good because if anyone needed it, the blood would be right there -- Age 5
Think of the biggest number you can. Now add five. Then, imagine if you had that many Twinkies. Wow, thats five more than the biggest number you could come up with -- Age 6
The only stupid question is the one that is never asked, except maybe "Don't you think its about time you audited my return?" or "Isn't it morally wrong to give a warning when, in fact, I was speeding?" Age 15
Once, I wept for I had no shoes, then I came upon a man who had no feet, so I took his shoes. I mean. it's not like he needed them, right? -- Age 15
If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize world peace for an hour, just imagine how serene it would be until the looting started -- Age 15
Thought for today: There's nothing wrong with the younger generation that twenty years or so won't cure.
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