Hillbilly Computer

Yes, I’m still having problems loading Google blogs, even after I deleted a perfectly good links post as an experiment. My apologies to a couple of folks who came here after a search of something on that post. Some Google blogs will load partially, some not at all. A couple will load one day, but not another. And I haven’t been able to leave comments on some posts that sporadically load. Miss Cellania won't even load now. I've tried three browsers and two operating systems. Do you reckon maybe I am using the wrong software? Should I try Winders 98?



Microsoft News Release

It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Kentucky edition of Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside of Kentucky. If you have one of the Kentucky editions you may need some help understanding the commands.

The Kentucky edition may be recognized by looking at the opening screen. It reads Winders 98 with a background picture of a mobile home and shipped with a Daisy Duke screen saver.


Also note:

Recycle bin is labeled Outhouse
My Computer is called This Infernal Contraption
Dial up networking is called Good ol' Boys
Control Panel is know as the Dern Dashboard
Hard drive is referred to as 4 wheeled drive
Floppies are called them little ole plastic disk things

Instead of an Error Message
you get a winder covered with a garbage bag and duck tape.

ok= ats awww-right
cancel= hail no
reset= awa shoot
yes = shore
no = naaaa
go to = over yonder
back = back yonder
help= help me out here
stop = ternit off
start = crank it up
settings = sittins
programs= stuff that does stuff
documents = stuff I done did

Also note that Winders 98 does not recognize capitalization or punctuation marks.


Some programs that are exclusive to Winders 98:

Tiperwriter: word processor
colering book: graphics program
addin merchene: calculator
scratch paper: notepad
jup box: cd player
inner net: microsoft explorer
pichers: graphics viewer
coon dog: American Kennel club records
cuzzins: Family history usually a 3 meg file
shells: ammunition inventory, usually a 3 meg file

We regret any inconvenience this may have caused if you received a copy of the Kentucky edition you may return it for a replacement copy.

***When I got this, it read “Georgia addition”. I changed it to “Kentucky edition”. The only politically correct thing to do is make fun of myself or my own stomping grounds.

Here’s a hillbilly computer game called Flyswat.

This guy receives 5000 channels via satellite at his home in West Virginia. Now THAT’s Hillbilly Heaven!

No matter how much fun we poke at ourselves, we hillbillies aren’t THIS stupid!




Hillbilly Computer Lingo

Log On: Makin' the wood stove hotter.
Log Off: Don't add no wood.
Monitor: Keepin' an eye on the wood stove.
Download: Gettin' the firewood off the pickup.
Mega Hertz: When yer not careful downloadin'.
Floppy Disk: Whatcha git from pilin' too much firewood.
Ram: The hydrolic thingy that splits the firewood.
Hard Drive: Gettin' home in the winter season.
Prompt: What you wish the mail was in the winter.
Windows: What to shut when it's below 15 below.
Screen: What 'cha need for the black fly season.
Byte: That's what the flies do.
Chip: What to munch on.
Micro Chip: What's left in the bottom of the bag.
Infrared: Where the left-overs go when Fred's around.
Modem: What 'cha did to the hay fields.
Dot Matrix: Farmer Matrix's wife.
Lap Top: Where little kids feel comfy.
Keyboard: Where ya hang your keys.
Software: Them plastic eatin' utensils.
Mouse: Whats eats the horses grain.
Main Frame: Hold up the barn roof.
Port: Fancy wine.
Enter: C'mon in.
Random Access Memory: You can't remember whatcha' paid for that new rifle when your wife asks.


Top 10 Ways To Tell If a Redneck Is Working
At a Computer in Your Office

* 10. The mouse is referred to as a "critter."
* 9. The keyboard is camouflage patterned.
* 8. There is a Dr. Pepper can in the CD-ROM drive.
* 7. The password is "bubba."
* 6. The six front keys have rotted out.
* 5. "Winders 95" has a Dale Earnhardt sticker on it.
* 4. Outgoing faxes have cold drink stains on them.
* 3. John Deere Pocket Protectors.
* 2. The menus all have Dr. Pepper, and Royal Crown Cola options.
* 1. And the #1 way to tell if a Redneck works in your office: The monitor is up on blocks.

Thought for today: I know I'm supposed to back up my files, but I still haven't found reverse on my PC.

humor links redneck computer games hillbilly computing jokes