Candy corn is the most disgusting candy, short of a display of Mexican lollipops I saw once, where each one had a different scorpion-like, wasp-like bug in it. I didn't taste a scorpion-wasp lollipop, so in that case I judge by the concept of the thing. I said, "Are these real bugs? Or candy bugs?" "Oh, they're real," and the man said the word for them that I don't remember now, sorry. Way before that, when I was in second grade, though, I saw my first so-called candy corn and thought of them as /teeth/ not corn, for obvious reasons. They looked like wax rotten teeth. They were in a big bowl on a folding table by the door to the classroom. Someone said it's candy, it's for everyone, go ahead. I was dubious, but put one in my mouth, !gagged!, ran down the hallway to the bathroom and threw up in the trash can there. I don't drink alcohol, so I can remember and recount every time I have ever vomited in my life; without going into detail, and adding one in case I think of one later, I'm gonna say five times, an average of once every 13 years, but weighted heavily toward the early years. I mean, it's likely I threw up a few times I can't count when I was an infant, but who remembers things from when they're babies? Babies are all technically blackout drunk. Candy corns are emetic candle-wax teeth. Not, in fact, "crayons" at all. I saw other children eating paper paste and other glue products but I never tried that. I remember chewing on pencils, though, not to eat them but because pressing tooth marks into a pencil is interesting, the way drawing in ballpoint pen on cellophane tape or on the bottom of rubber tennis shoes is, or like mixing baking soda and water to make white mud in a squeeze bottle and drop it, drop by drop, in rows to form a castle or igloo on the kitchen counter. Currently my favorite candy is chocolate covered raisins in the same bowl with toasted almonds. Chocolate covered crunchy coffee beans are wonderful, I remember, but the after-effect is hours of buzzy nervousness and a headache, so I know better. Riesen candy is pretty good-- that's chocolate and caramel, like Snickers bars but harder and without peanuts. Cotton candy. Big ball gum (like Painterz or Very Berry). Regular M&Ms in bulk. Fruit Loops or Apple Jacks right out of the box, dry. Stale Cracker Jacks (superior to Fiddle Faddle, fresh or stale), which are in fact real corn.
Marco, your dislike for candy corn parallels mine, however I can consume it to be sociable when offered by an attractive lady simply because I drink alcohol.
5 comments:
Candy corn is the most disgusting candy, short of a display of Mexican lollipops I saw once, where each one had a different scorpion-like, wasp-like bug in it. I didn't taste a scorpion-wasp lollipop, so in that case I judge by the concept of the thing. I said, "Are these real bugs? Or candy bugs?" "Oh, they're real," and the man said the word for them that I don't remember now, sorry. Way before that, when I was in second grade, though, I saw my first so-called candy corn and thought of them as /teeth/ not corn, for obvious reasons. They looked like wax rotten teeth. They were in a big bowl on a folding table by the door to the classroom. Someone said it's candy, it's for everyone, go ahead. I was dubious, but put one in my mouth, !gagged!, ran down the hallway to the bathroom and threw up in the trash can there. I don't drink alcohol, so I can remember and recount every time I have ever vomited in my life; without going into detail, and adding one in case I think of one later, I'm gonna say five times, an average of once every 13 years, but weighted heavily toward the early years. I mean, it's likely I threw up a few times I can't count when I was an infant, but who remembers things from when they're babies? Babies are all technically blackout drunk. Candy corns are emetic candle-wax teeth. Not, in fact, "crayons" at all. I saw other children eating paper paste and other glue products but I never tried that. I remember chewing on pencils, though, not to eat them but because pressing tooth marks into a pencil is interesting, the way drawing in ballpoint pen on cellophane tape or on the bottom of rubber tennis shoes is, or like mixing baking soda and water to make white mud in a squeeze bottle and drop it, drop by drop, in rows to form a castle or igloo on the kitchen counter. Currently my favorite candy is chocolate covered raisins in the same bowl with toasted almonds. Chocolate covered crunchy coffee beans are wonderful, I remember, but the after-effect is hours of buzzy nervousness and a headache, so I know better. Riesen candy is pretty good-- that's chocolate and caramel, like Snickers bars but harder and without peanuts. Cotton candy. Big ball gum (like Painterz or Very Berry). Regular M&Ms in bulk. Fruit Loops or Apple Jacks right out of the box, dry. Stale Cracker Jacks (superior to Fiddle Faddle, fresh or stale), which are in fact real corn.
For every Marco McClean there's a gwdMaine. Yum! Nuff said.
I guess we all know what to get Marco for Halloween now...
Maybe somebody should tell him that those chocolate covered raisins are very often chocolate covered house flies.
Marco, your dislike for candy corn parallels mine, however I can consume it to be sociable when offered by an attractive lady simply because I drink alcohol.
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