Old Flame

I received a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend who, this morning, called 'out-of-the-blue' to see if I was still around.

We lost track of time, chatting about the wild, romantic times we used to enjoy together.

I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd be interested in meeting up and rekindling a little of that 'old magic'.

'Wow!' I was flabbergasted.

'I don't know if I could keep pace with you now', I said, 'I'm a bit older and a bit grayer and balder than when you last saw me. Plus I don't really have the energy I used to have.'

She just giggled and said she was sure I would 'rise to the challenge'.

'Yeah.' I said. 'Just so long as you don't mind a waistline that's a few inches wider these days! Not to mention my total lack of muscle tone...everything is sagging, my teeth are a bit yellowed and I am developing jowls like a Great Dane!'

She laughed and told me to stop being so silly.

She teased me saying that tubby, gray haired, older men were cute, and she was sure I would still be a great lover.

Anyway, she giggled and said, 'I've put on a few pounds myself!'

So I told her to f*@k off.

(Thanks, Duke!)

Challenge Accepted: 8 Inspiring Stories

Some people live their lives by making the best of what they have. And then there are people who even make the best of what they don’t have. After all, you just don’t tell some people, “You can’t do that.” Because they will prove you wrong. Read about eight such people who overcame what many would call disabilities in the latest list of a continuing series I posted at mental_floss.

Still?

(via Signspotting)

Sisyphus Gets a Snowthrower

In Greek mythology, Sisyphus was compelled to roll a boulder up a hill and watch it roll back down, so he could start his task all over again. The YouTube description (in Polish) says this guy kept it up for an hour and a half. You have to wonder if anyone ever explained to him that you could aim the snow out to the side. (via TYWKIWDBI)

 

 

Cat Burglar Bear

(via Fark)

Good Reads and Information

 This is how wealthy Americans can buy a presidential election. (via Breakfast Links)

What's it like to be an extra on the HBO series Games of Thrones? Many of them are fans, and make it into a labor of love.

Did Hitler Have a Secret Son with a French Teenager? New evidence supports the story Jean-Marie Loret's mother told him before her death.

Author Douglas Adams' 60th birthday would have been this March 11th. There's going to be a really big party in his honor in London, so make your plans now.

Depression Is Linked to Hyperconnectivity of Brain Regions. In other words, if your brain loses its flexibility, you may be at risk.

World’s First Test-Tube Hamburger to Be Served in 2012. Laboratory meat grown from bovine stem cells could eventually save animals, farmland, and energy, but will it be tasty?

The Mysterious Mr. Zedzed: The Wickedest Man in the World. Profiteering on war armaments is bad enough, but did he start the war himself?

 Tasers were meant to replace deadly force for police officers, but are more and more used as a shortcut for taking control. Read about 8 unfortunate Tasing incidents.

A new study on single people shows results that are the opposite of what you've heard lately. Men are more willing to commit than women are, to the point of settling for someone they're not in love with.

Georgia Tech has developed the Tongue Drive System, in which a stud in the tongue acts as a mouse against a pad attached to the roof of one's mouth. The device gives unprecedented control to paralyzed computer users.

The Fort Steuben Bridge connecting Ohio and West Virginia was decommissioned in just seconds on Tuesday. Luckily, its final performance was caught on high-speed video so we can see it go out in a blaze of glory.

Jeremy Lin will not be invited to play for the U.S. Olympic basketball team in 2012. China would put him on their team, but want him to renounce his U.S. citizenship to do so.

Affirmative Action is on trial now before the Supreme Court. The conservative court could render a narrow decision affecting one university, or could end the practice nationwide.

Mirror Scenes

How many times have looked in a mirror and saw someone you didn't realize was there with you? Never? Well, it happens a LOT in the movies. (via FilmDrunk)



 

The Piety Competition

A priest and a rabbi had a tremendous rivalry going, each going to extremes of piety to impress the other. It just happened that both of them got new cars at the same time. It also happened that they both drove into a gas station at the same time.

The priest said a blessing over his car -- in Latin.

The rabbi said his own blessing over his own car -- in Hebrew.

The priest went to put some water in the radiator, making it clear his car would benefit from the "holy" water.

The rabbi said nothing, but quietly reached into the trunk of his car, took out a hacksaw, and cut the end off the exhaust pipe.

(via Phil’s Phun)


Memories

(via Criggo)

Blindfolded Boxing

Billed as the "new sport of 1949," this newsreel shows us what seems to be an experiment in comedy. At least it's safer than regular boxing! And it reminds me of the Japanese TV show that staged a soccer game in which all the players wore binoculars. (via Nag on the Lake)

 

 

Falling Fly

(via Mostly Forbidden Zone)

Funny Links

21 Ways to Fix the Academy Awards Show. It's harder every year to get viewers to sit through four hours of Hollywood patting itself on the back.

Jack Blankenship is the name behind "The Face" that trolls basketball games. Once you see "The Face," you never forget it.

If you only watched the Patrick Swayze movie Roadhouse for the fighting, you can now see the whole thing in 45 seconds. Warning: this may leave your face sore.

The cat wants your attention. He will not take "no" for an answer.

If picking the Oscars were as much fun as picking March Madness winners, ...it would be a lot more fun. With that in mind, take a look at FilmDrunk’s 2012 Oscars Best Picture Bracket.


"UFO Phil" wants to be president, but he says he doesn't have to run for the office. Ancient documents from extraterrestrials give him the authority to assume power without an election.

It's just a flesh wound! Kids recreate the Black Knight scene from Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

Betty or Veronica? Archie must once again take a side when the Occupy movement comes to Riverdale and pits the have-nots against the haves in the comic book town.

Drawing a dragon with dripping caramel is way beyond my abilities. But I would be able to eat it, artwork or not!




Morbid Home Decor. These products will give your guests either smiles on their faces or chills down their backs!

9 Pre-Lenten Treats from Around the World

Today is Shrove Tuesday, the last day before Lent in many Christian traditions. Eastern Orthodox Christians begin Great Lent on a slightly different calendar. The day is also called Mardi Gras, Carnival, Pancake Tuesday, and many other names in various languages. What these days have in common is a tradition of a final feast of foods that will be forbidden for the period of Lent which leads up to Easter. Many cultures have developed traditional recipes to use up the household supplies commonly given up for Lent, in order to reduce temptation and waste. That means sugar, eggs, oil, meat, and other calorie-laden staples. See some of these delicious treats in a list I posted at mental_floss.

Photograph by Flickr user Johan Dalenius.

Interesting Links

The new Krewe of Chewbacchus puts a little nerd into Mardi Gras. See pictures of how they partied like it was long, long ago and far, far away.

Today is Mardi Gras! Whether you celebrate it as Pancake Day or Carnival, get your gluttony in before Lent starts tomorrow!

Government austerity measures in Greece are so bad that citizens are leaving for Canada or Australia. Emigration is certainly a better solution than suicide.

6 Unlucky Australians Who Couldn’t Catch a Break. Taken together, these stories might make you want to stay out of Oz.

Gerrymandering is when politicians select their voters instead of the other way around. And it still goes on, despite reform measures.

New drug therapies may be able to erase traumatic memories, including those that cause PTSD, drug addiction, and certain mental illnesses. What could possibly go wrong?

The Naked Cowboy is running for president -again. He's one of around 300 candidates who have filed to run, most of whom you've never heard of.

They told young Matthew Grammer he could be anything he wanted to, so he said he wanted to be R2D2. From any other kid, it would be just a cute story, but the Make-A-Wish Foundation made Matthew's dream come true.

This year's Carnival in Rio de Janeiro is the biggest the city has ever seen. And the city was ready ready, with more emergency workers, better communication, and more available toilets than ever before.

Head: The Monkees’ Strange Movie.


America’s billionaire-run democracy. (via TYWKIWDBI)

Eternal Copyright: a Modest Proposal. Adrian Hon thinks Swiftly about making a good idea even better.

Links for Fun and President's Day

 10 Presidential Ailments of a Very Specific Nature. History records that several chief executives would rather stand, thank you.

Can you recognize these U.S. presidents by their baby pictures?

Presidential Pros and Cons, part one and part two.

The ridiculously difficult game QWOP is now made for two players to compete against each other. Yes, with 2QWOP you can double your failure! (via Waxy)

The new Jatech car door doesn't just open, but completely disappears underneath the car. No more door dings, no more getting blocked in, and no more slamming!

PeteyHendrix wrote a modern version of the classic comedy routine called "Who's On First?" with a twist -now the scene contains the names of real modern-day baseball players! (via Metafilter)

Texting while walking is dangerous, too. As proof, watch what goes on in the background of this news report.

Google thinks it has an algorithm to determine what makes a viral video funny. Not only are they "taking all the fun out of laughter," but their results are underwhelming.

Jeremy Lin and 6 other surprise sports sensations. The Knicks point guard gives us something to talk about during basketball season, but he's not the only sports surprise sensation.

A monkey at the Memphis Zoo doesn't want to be part of the scenery for your picture. He wants to be the photobomber!

It's a kung fu kitty! This street-fighting cat will mess you up.

Randy Halverson's gorgeous time-lapse video Temporal Distortion will remind you that the universe is a beautiful, wonderful place. The music is quite nice, too.

The World's Strangest Animals (with video evidence). Hollywood's got nothing on Mother Nature for stretching the limits of the imagination.

If TV Channels were Your Family. These are funny, but they also explain why everyone watches TV in a different room of the house these days.

Interesting Links

An Open Letter to Hollywood: stop blaming piracy and make films worthy of cinematic experience.

Dirty Campaigning in the Roaring Twenties: Herbert Hoover vs. Al Smith. Mudslinging is nothing new, not that that makes it any more pleasant.

The First Black American Sea Captain. As a slave, Robert Smalls stole a ship right under the Conferederates' noses.

Education Gap Grows Between Rich and Poor.

A 4-year-old Pekingese won Best in Show at this year's Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show. Catch up on 11 Things You Didn’t Know About the Pekingese.

Singer Chris Brown is on top of the world, with a new Grammy and Rhianna's forgiveness for beating her to a pulp three years ago. Fame and fortune tends to blind fans to flaws that shouldn't be covered up.

The University of Manitoba has programmed a robot to -wait for it- play hockey! The humanoid, named Jennifer, can hit a puck, but may need some help with its skating skills.

Seven Incredible Tank Graveyards. If they're not in working order, they're left where they die because they're too heavy to haul home.

5 Innovative Ways to Encourage Safer Sex. Whatever works, even if it doesn't make much sense on the surface.

Photos of Carnival in Lucerne, Switzerland might give you nightmares. Or it might make you want to book tickets!

 Court records show that Chicago is the most corrupt city in the U.S. Los Angeles and New York follow.

The top-selling DVDs of 2012 (so far) tell us something like people don't want to buy DVDs anymore. Unless they involve sparkly vampires.


The new Jatech car door doesn't just open, but completely disappears underneath the car. No more door dings, no more getting blocked in, and no more slamming!

Fun and Funny Links

The fan film that just about all Star Wars nerds wish they had made: Bye Bye Jar Jar. Many would pay to see the character get his just deserts.

An honest movie trailer for the re-release of The Phantom Menace. “George Lucas defiles your childhood for the second time in a third dimension!”

Watch this Beer Bottle Excavator Trick. The Bobcat E50 excavator operator no longer has to fill out employment applications; he just sends the video link!

Artist Carl Turner shows you what it’s like to go hunting in a Dr. Seuss fantasy world. These trophy heads look fake enough to set you at ease, but real enough to bring back childhood memories.

8 Common Animal Misconceptions. C.G.P. Grey busts these myths in a hurry, so try to keep up.

The Top 100 First World Problems, at least from a young single guy’s point of view. “No room in the refrigerator” is the common problem I am grateful to have.

The producers of the film Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter have released both a US trailer and an international trailer. For some reason, we expected a comedy, but the movie seems to take itself rather seriously.

Reverse Things is a video of various actions shows backwards, creating order from chaos. It looks like it was a lot of fun to produce, too.

Here are some pictures of cats who look like, dress like, or are possibly Photoshopped to resemble pandas. So you get two adorable critters in one!

Firefighters in Pennsylvania responded to a smokehouse fire and rescued 200 pounds of sausage. "This is definitely the best-smelling fire we've seen in a long time."

21 Vintage Cat Advertisements. Even a hundred years ago, advertisers knew what would catch your attention.

Joe has been digging a basement for seven years now, using his remote control trucks to remove the dirt. He's in no hurry to finish, since the "work" is so much fun.

Watch adorable but very real dogs re-enact the "spaghetti" scene from Lady and the Tramp. The scene was cute the first time around, but was redone to promote the movie's Blu-Ray release.

The University of Manitoba has programmed a robot to -wait for it- play hockey! The humanoid, named Jennifer, can hit a puck, but may need some help with its skating skills.

Good Reads and Info

How Obama Set a Contraception Trap for the Right. Catholic and Evangelical opposition to birth control is not the issue they want to put in front of the public that depends on it.

Firefighters in Belgium are protesting changes to their retirement plans. Guess who gets the fire hose in this demonstration!

Greek digital artist Petros Vrellis made an interactive animated version of Vincent Van Gogh’s Starry Night. It even plays music when you touch it!

Is Loss of Animal Diversity Behind the Spread of Deadly Diseases? Botanists will tell you it makes perfect sense.

Watch the east coast of the U.S. as seen from the International Space Station. You can’t help but try to pick out certain cities.

Syrian activists are pleading for help to keep their government from killing its citizens. So far, no world power is in a hurry to step up to the plate.

We all knew the purported video of a woolly mammoth in Siberia was a hoax, but now it’s getting interesting. The documentary filmmaker who shot the original footage is upset that a paranormal investigator is claiming a copyright on the video.

In Germany, a 400-Year-Old Witchcraft Case Gets a Retrial. There may be evidence that postmistress Katharina Henot might not have been a witch after all!

6 surprising things social media can predict. If you can wrestle the data, it’s better (and probably cheaper) than taking a poll.

Can your feelings of love show up on an MRI scan? You betcha, especially if those emotions are made into a competition.

Whitney Houston's Road to Ruin. She may have had the voice of an angel, but an angel was not what she wanted to be.

A London man may have set a new world record for the heaviest living human. He weights 812 pounds; do you know anyone who can top that?

North Korean People's Army Funky Get Down Juche Party

A little funky music makes propaganda so much nicer! (via Metafilter)

Soviet Pop Weirdness

Dancing bears on TV in the late '60s. It seems to be in part Russian and part English. I can make the words "rock-and-roll." (via Everlasting Blort)