Its My Party!

Today is my birthday. I won't be celebrating it anywhere but online, so please leave a comment to make me think I actually have friends. Or email me, thats always nice. Gifts may be sent via Paypal. This is about the only date I can rationalize writing about astrology. If you don't take it seriously (and I don't, I'd rather put stock in fortune cookies), you can find some fun stuff on the internets.

The Birthday calculator. Sure, it will tell you how old you are (like you didn't know), but there are other interesting things here. I never knew that the moon was full the day I was born. That would probably explain a lot.

Your results on the birthday calculator will give your "tree". If you don't know what that means, here's a guide to your tree horoscope. I am a Hazelnut tree!

HAZELNUT TREE "THE EXTRAORDINARY"
*People born under the Hazelnut tree are very charming. They feel deeply about things and are very understanding of other people. They make great friends and they are great listeners who friends can come to for comfort. Undemanding sorts, these sweet souls are usually popular and are liked for their open and sunny nature. They definitely know how to make a good impression on others. These people are concerned with fairness and justice and can be active fighters for social causes. They are occasionally moody and what they want from a romantic partner changes from day to day. But they are also very honest and patient in their love relationships.

I'll take that. And since I'm a Steel Magnolia, I'll also take my Southern Sign, too. You can find yours here. I'm a boiled peanut. Delicious!

BOILED PEANUTS (Sept 24 - Oct 23)
You have a passionate desire to help your fellow man. Unfortunately, those who know you best - your friends and loved ones - may find that your personality is much too salty, and their criticism will probably affect you deeply because you are really much softer than you appear. You should go right ahead and marry anybody you want to because in a certain way, yours is a charmed life. On the road of life, you can be sure that people will always pull over and stop for you.

Along the same lines, I consulted my Australian horoscope and found I am a cockatoo.

COCKATOO (Libra Sept 24 - Oct 23)
Cockatoos continually primp and preen their feathers to attract potential mates. It is also a reflection of their high self-esteem. Their open, friendly nature can be seen in their willingness to mix with others. Cockatoos are sometimes seen alone but, mostly, they spend time in large groups enjoying each other's company.
Cockatoo Woman: The Cockatoo woman likes to own lovely things - beautiful clothes, perfume, pictures, fresh flowers, candlelight and good music. She has a flair for socializing, and entertaining at home. Her home will be well cared for, clean and colorful in a quiet way, and she will surround herself with furniture that blends with her nature. She is usually highly intellectual, witty and charming. She is sentimental and affectionate, and does not like to work or live alone.

I even consulted my love compatibility chart, just for blog research, you know. Turns out I'm compatible with, oh, about half the other signs. Just like if you WEREN'T using astrology. You can calculate yours here.


More Astrology humor
Be sure to check out the Star Wars horoscopes and terrible thoughts about your sign.


How Many Members of Your Sign
Does It Take to Change a Lightbulb?

ARIES: Just one. Wanna make something of it?

TAURUS: Well, I prefer natural light if at all possible. Are you absolutely positive that lightbulb is burned out? I hate to throw it away if it still might be useful.

GEMINI: Probably one is best, because if there are more than one, they'll get so wrapped up in talking to each other that they'll forget all about the lightbulb.

CANCER: Only one, but three therapists will be needed to help with the grieving process. OR: Only one, as long as his mommy holds his hand.

LEO: Leos do not change their own lightbulbs. They find someone else to do it for them.

VIRGO: 1.11111119873, give or take .00000000000013%.

LIBRA: Well, I could do it, unless of course you'd prefer to do it, but you look sort of busy right now. What do you want to do?

SCORPIO: One, from across the room, if they've learned their teleporting lessons well enough.
OR, thanks to one of our website visitors: None, because Scorpios aren't afraid of the dark.

SAGITTARIUS: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got the rest of our lives ahead of us and you're worrying about a stupid light bulb?

CAPRICORN: I don't have time for these foolish jokes.

AQUARIUS: Well, you see, energy is really matter and matter is really energy and light is a form of energy but the light bulb is matter, and--

PISCES: What light bulb?


I was shocked! shocked! to get this one in my inbox. Since I am a thorough blogger, I will dutifully pass it on to you. (Thanks, JJ)

AFTER SEX BEHAVIOR BY SIGN

Aries: Okay, let's do it again...

Taurus: I'm hungry - pass the pizza...

Gemini: Have you seen the TV remote?

Cancer: When are we getting married?

Leo: Wasn't I fantastic?

Virgo: I need to wash the sheets.

Libra: I liked it if you liked it...

Scorpio: Perhaps I should untie you...

Sagittarius: Don't call me - I'll call you...

Capricorn: Do you have a business card?

Aquarius: Now let's try it with our clothes off.

Pisces: What did you say your name was?


HAPPY BIRTHDAY
to Elowyn Meizhen, who is turning three today! Although we've never met, I will always remember your birthday!


Thought for today: Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.