Autumn Finally!

Fall is here, and not a moment too soon. Hard to believe that back in February and March, I couldn't wait for summer. Now I've had enough. I'm tired of mosquitoes, weeds, and air conditioning bills. I'm tired of daily shaving. I'm sick of salad, I'm sick of tomatoes, I'm sick of popsicles dripping on the floor. Time for chili, turkey dressing and gravy, and hot cocoa with shot of Amaretto.

People around here decorate their yards for autumn. This year I joined the crowd, since I had so much raw material. Here's my front yard (yeah, I know, I need to mow the sidewalk). This cost me zip. Even the seeds to grow this stuff were saved from last year. Several folks in this neighborhood put their harvest out near the road, hoping to sell some extra pumpkins. The going price in my neighborhood is a dollar for a large pumpkin, 50¢ for a small one. One day I came home to find my best pumpkin gone. Instead, I found a rock with a dollar underneath!


From all reports, the harvest was good everywhere this year. Otherwise, we wouldn't be selling pumpkins for 50¢. Carol Anne blogged about her neighbor's zucchini, plentiful and larger than her dog. Why do people grow zucchini anyway? I still have way too many cherry tomatoes out there, and four kinds of peppers. I can't even GIVE the stuff away anymore! You can only use so many peppers, but I learned that mixing pepper seeds with birdseed will keep the squirrels away, and the birds don't mind at all. Cutting open a ton of peppers is a hassle, but it will be worth it in January. At least I keep telling myself that.

I won't miss mowing the lawn. The only flat place on my place was given to tomatoes. Here's a video of what you can do with your mower in the off season. Autumn has its own chores. I need to clean the house to find places for all those houseplants that have been growing out of control on the porch all summer. I also need to take up the gardens, stow the plastic mulch, and sow winter wheat for a cover crop. All the old plants will go in the compost. I am a serious composter. Here's my composting theme song. I don't rake leaves. Thats what kids are for. Gotta find something for them to do while I take up the garden. If they get too deep, I just run over them with the lawnmower (um... the leaves, not the kids). The mower has a bagger, because I AM a SERIOUS composter.

The top ten signs you've hired the wrong kid to rake your leaves:
10. He charges you by the leaf.
9. Keeps asking where he should plug in the rake.
8. Picks up leaves one at a time, dips them in nacho cheese and eats them.
7. Says, "This'll just take a minute," and starts soaking your lawn with gasoline.
6. Your neighbor calls and asks, "Who's that naked guy chasing my dog with your rake?"
5. Half an hour after he starts, you notice he's sitting on your back porch.
4. You recognize his work gloves from the O.J. Simpson trial.
3. Comes to your door and says, "I've had a long talk with the leaves, and they've decided to stay."
2. Constantly reminding you that he used to be famous for those 'Home Alone" movies.
1. His motto: "Rake a leaf, do a shot."


The serious will to live in the plant kingdom amazes me. My gardening scheme involves "survival of the fittest", which seems to work fine. Last fall, my kids harvested tons of flower seeds, but failed to get most of them inside. Some morning glory seeds fell through the cracks (literally) on the back stairs concrete. No soil, and no water, since the canopy overhangs here.

I love October. The weather is the best of the year, the temperatures are pleasant, the house gets aired out, and the mountains look awesome.


Send someone a greeting to celebrate autumn! Or you can just moon them. Or find a lame autumn joke. And while you're squashing your squash or pumping your pumpkin, remember the Vegetable Rights Association may be watching.


Thought for today: Divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter and get pumpkin pi.

One too many links

The joy of North Korean propaganda. This stuff is funny! Don’t forget to try the “Insult Generator” on the right side of the page.

Hooda thunket? Our new potential Supreme Court Justice Harriet Miers is a blogger!

I had to peel my kids away from this one. The Evil Clown Generator.

How to play Rock, Paper, Scissors with seven gestures

There are good reasons for some police procedures. This video can be filed under “I Told You So”.

Don’t let the title fool you. Score Her is dating advice for men FROM women. Some good stuff here, and some awful stuff, too.

Tell how you REALLY feel with demoticons.

This game is kinda nice in its place. Not very interactive. You push one button and see how long it can go. Like a slot machine. But its nice for mindless meditation, however oxymoronic that seems.

Hoops and Yoyo is a division of Hallmark that has clever interactive ecards you must take a look at! Here’s a sample.

Holy Moly... this is about as obnoxious as its gets. The American Racist, Asian episode. Offensive, confrontational, and thought-provoking.

Have you been keeping up with The Traveling Guys? They've started their world tour on the US Gulf Coast, helping with relief and reconstruction.

There are a million name generators out there, but The Cyborg Name Generator uses some cleverness that you can actually see. The results make your name into an acronym!







The following are questions and answers from "Hollywood Squares" when it was broadcast in the 1970s. It's an irreverent look back at humor that has managed to stand the test of time.

If you're going to make a parachute jump, you should be at least how high?
Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

True or false. A pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

According to "Cosmo," if you meet a stranger at a party and you think he's really attractive, is it okay to come out directly and ask him if he's married?
Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.

Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

What are the two things women should never do in bed with their husbands?
Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.

Paul, can you get an elephant drunk?
Paul Lynde: Yes, but she still won't go up to your apartment.

In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say, "I love you"?
Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.

As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while you are talking?
Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing older question, Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget!

Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

According to "Parade" magazine, on what night of the week is a woman most likely to be molested?
Rose Marie: With my luck it's tonight and I'm working.

In the Arctic, the most fearsome animal is the polar bear. What is the only thing a polar bear is afraid of?
Paul Lynde: A lonely Eskimo!

You've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during your first year?
Charley Weaver: Of course not, Peter. I'm too busy growing strawberries.

Prometheus was tied to the top of a mountain by the gods because he had given something to man. What did he give us?
Paul Lynde: I don't know what you got, but I got a sports shirt.

True or false. Experts say there are only seven or eight things in the world dumber than an ant.
George Gobel: Yes, and I think I voted for six of them.

In a survey of teenage mothers, most of them said they were listening to this when they got pregnant. What is it?
Paul Lynde: A pack of lies.

In bowling, what's a perfect score?
Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics. What is the other?
Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

When you pat a dog on its head he will usually wag his tail. What will a goose do?
Paul Lynde: Make him bark.

According to Amy Vanderbilt, what is the maximum length of time you and your fiancé should be engaged?
Rose Marie: Engaged in what?

If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army!

It is the most abused and neglected part of your body—what is it?
Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused but it certainly isn't neglected!

What do you call a pig that weighs more than 150 pounds?
Charley Weaver: A divorcee.

Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

According to police, if you are being molested, other than yelling, "Help!," what is the best thing to scream?
Rose Marie: "More!"

When a couple has a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car. The rest is up to him.

Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
Charley Weaver: His feet.

Do female frogs croak?
Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

You're a 71-year-old man who has lost interest in sex. Does your doctor have anything to help you?
Charley Weaver: No, but his nurse does.

You'll most likely have to click on this ^ to enlarge.

If you have read this far and like this blog, go to this site and vote for Miss Cellania for Best Comedic Site for September by leaving a comment. Thanks!

Thought for today: I live in my own little world. But that's OK, everybody knows me here.

Cute little animals

Squirrels had overrun three churches in town.
After much prayer, the elders of the first church determined that the animals were predestined to be there. Who were they to interfere with God's will? they reasoned. Soon, the squirrels multiplied.

The elders of the second church, deciding that they could not harm any of God's creatures, they humanely trapped the squirrels and set them free outside of town. Three days later, the squirrels were back.

It was only the third church that succeeded in keeping the pests away. The elders baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter.
(Thanks, April!)

You Are A: Squirrel!

Squirrels are quick and cheerful animals who spend their time scurrying, scavenging, and playing. As a squirrel, you are often seen jumping happily from branch to branch up in the treetops. Squirrels are foragers searching for nuts and seeds, and they are social animals often seen chasing and playing with other squirrels.

You were almost a: Pony or a Monkey
You are least like a: Turtle or a GroundhogDiscover What Cute Animal You Are!

Bear with me, this does have something to do with cute little animals. A game for kids of all ages. Like Memory or Concentration, but faster.

Today's quiz: What breed of dog would you be? Find it on the right side of the page.

Story time fun: The Velveeta Rabbit

When puppies drink


After 4 beers...




















After 2 glasses of wine...




















After 3 Kamikazes...



















After 2 bottles of wine (shared,of course)...



















After too many Margueritas...
















(Note how the head must be restrained to keep it from exploding)
















After four 6-packs...


















(Thanks, Jeanine!)









Thought for today: If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence,
try orderin' somebody else's dog around.

Lets have another Link

Take the test to see where your political views fall. My results are no surprise, I've always been a bleeding-heart liberal hippie eco-freak type.

You are a Social Liberal (70% permissive) and an... Economic Liberal (11% permissive) You are best described as a: Socialist Link: The Politics Test on OkCupid Free Online Dating Also: The OkCupid Dating Persona Test

Michelin Man Sued!
Denies paternity claim.

If you got a kick out of Romancing the Novel, you're gonna love the prose
in this Romance Novel Parody Contest.

Presenting Aerosith, heavy metal and Star Wars. What else could a teenage boy ask for? OK, porn (find that on your own). But this band rocks! For a sample, here's the Imperial March. On a somewhat related note, I found a guide to making your own Black Metal Band.

This is just pleasant. A nice little percussive flash dance movie. Or if you prefer something with a tiny bit of a plot, see this animated American Idol parody.

Channel 4 has a lot of quizzes, but the most popular is How Gay Are You?

If you've ever had the urge to see a tongue wandering around on its own, check out this TV commercial.

When you need a vasectomy, you can always turn to urologist Dr. Dick Chopp.

Some names just don't translate well.

Sam was fixing a door and he found that he needed a new hinge, so he sent his wife Anni to the hardware store. At the hardware store Anni saw a beautiful teapot on a top shelf while she was waiting for the manager to finish waiting on a customer. When he was finished, Anni asked how much for the teapot.

He replied, "That's silver and it costs $100!"

"My goodness, that sure is a lotta money!" Anni exclaimed. Then she proceeded to describe the hinge that Sam had sent her to buy, and he went to the backroom to
find it.

From the back room he yelled, "Anni, you wanna screw for that hinge?"

To which Anni replied, "No, but I will for the teapot."

FEEDBACK
If you are only in this for the links, you can stop here.

Ed Bremson of The Tao of Love says "Boy, you must do a lot of work to put this together. Looks very professional." That means a lot, coming from somebody who writes books. This is my first foray into graphic arts, or anything resembling web design. The truth is, I am insomniac. Have been for a year now. It wouldn't be so bad if I also didn't have two little kids that need an extroardinary amount of sleep. So I need to be home and fairly quiet for several hours a day. I could do housework, but why? I don't watch TV anymore. So I blog. I'm learning a lot, but I'm in no danger of becoming a geek.

Johnny of So, its come down to this said "Hilarious! A riot! I laughed my socks off!" Which is the kind of thing I should just put in the sidebar and leave, but no one would believe he's not a relative of mine. I don't even know him, although I feel like I do, from his very personal writings.

I love getting comments (hint hint) good, bad, or indifferent. Thanks for all the birthday wishes! And keep sending me the funnies! If you sent me something good and I haven't used it yet, that doesn't mean I won't when the proper time comes. If I use something you sent and don't give proper credt, its because it arrived a long time ago (like before I got my new computer) and I forgot where I got it.

You can email individual entries from Miss Cellania to your friends, just click on the little envelope at the end. Or just send the URL to everyone you know, I like the traffic.

Thought for today: It's a small world. But I wouldn't want to paint it.

Dubya

While visiting England, George W. Bush is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people. He asks how she knows if they're intelligent.

"I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Queen. "Allow me to demonstrate."

She phones Tony Blair and says, "Mr. Prime Minister. Please answer this question: Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"

Tony Blair responds, "It's me, ma'am."

"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Queen. She hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?"

"Yes ma'am. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"

Upon returning to Washington, he decides he'd better put the Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee to the test. He summons Jesse Helms to the White House and says, "Senator Helms, I wonder if you can answer a question for me."

"Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?"

"Uh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Helms hems and haws and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?" Bush agrees, and Helms leaves. He immediately calls a meeting of other senior senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Helms calls Colin Powell at the State Department and explains his problem.

"Now look here Colin Powell, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother, or your sister. Who is it?" Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course, you dumb ass."

Much relieved, Helms rushes back to the White House and exclaims, "I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It's Colin Powell!" And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, you dumb ass, It's Tony Blair!"


Remember that “falling woman” thing? Here’s a much snarkier version featuring George Bush. Remember, you can help him with your mouse if he gets stuck.

Folks all over are trying to find ways to improve the president we have. Even before the next elections. Maybe you can build Bush a better face. Or maybe write his speeches for him. But as far as speechwriting goes, you most likely won't be able to improve on this inside look. Dubya himself provides the funniest parts. Don't watch while drinking coffee.

How long til he is outta office? Consult The George Bush countdown clock.

The video for the song "George Bush Hates Black People".

This entry would not be complete without a game. In keeping with the subject, try playing Give George Bush a Brain. Or just punch him out. Who cares what the score is? Its catharsis!



URGENT ASSISTANCE - FROM USA

IMMEDIATE ATTENTION NEEDED : HIGHLY CONFIDENTIAL

FROM: GEORGE WALKER BUSH
202.456.1414 / 202.456.1111
FAX: 202.456.2461

Dear Sir / Madam,

I am GEORGE WALKER BUSH, son of the former president of the United States of America George Herbert Walker Bush, and currently serving as President of the United States of America. This letter might surprise you because we have not met neither in person nor by correspondence. I came to know of you in my search for a reliable and reputable person to handle a very confidential business transaction, which involves the transfer of a huge sum of money to an account requiring maximum confidence.

I am writing you in absolute confidence primarily to seek your assistance in acquiring oil funds that are presently trapped in the republic of Iraq. My partners and I solicit your assistance in completing a transaction begun by my father, who has long been actively engaged in the extraction of petroleum in the United States of America, and bravely served his country as director of the United States Central Intelligence Agency.

In the decade of the nineteen-eighties, my father, then vice-president of the United States of America, sought to work with the good offices of the President of the Republic of Iraq to regain lost oil revenue sources in the neighboring Islamic republic of Iran. This unsuccessful venture was soon followed by a falling-out with his Iraqi partner, who sought to acquire additional oil revenue sources in the neighboring emirate of Kuwait, a wholly-owned U.S.-British subsidiary.

My father re-secured the petroleum assets of Kuwait in 1991 at a cost of sixty-one billion u.s. dollars ($61,000,000,000). Out of that cost, thirty-six billion dollars ($36,000,000,000) were supplied by his partners in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia and other persian gulf monarchies, and sixteen billion dollars ($16,000,000,000) by German and Japanese partners. But my father's former Iraqi business partner remained in control of the republic of Iraq and its petroleum reserves.

My family is calling for your urgent assistance in funding the removal of the President of the Republic of Iraq and acquiring the petroleum assets of his country, as compensation for the costs of removing him from power. Unfortunately, our partners from 1991 are not willing to shoulder the burden of this new venture, which in its upcoming phase may cost the sum of 100 billion to 200 billion dollars ($100,000,000,000 - $200,000,000,000), both in the initial acquisition and in long-term management.

Without the funds from our 1991 partners, we would not be able to acquire the oil revenue trapped within Iraq. That is why my family and our colleagues are urgently seeking your gracious assistance. Our distinguished colleagues in this business transaction include the sitting vice-president of the United States of America, Richard Cheney, who is an original partner in the Iraq venture and former head of the Halliburton oil company, and Condoleeza Rice, whose professional dedication to the venture was demonstrated in the naming of a Chevron oil tanker after her.

I would beseech you to transfer a sum equaling ten to twenty-five percent (10-25 %) of your yearly income to our account to aid in this important venture. The internal revenue service of the United States of America will function as our trusted intermediary. I propose that you make this transfer before the fifteenth (15th) of the month of April.

I know that a transaction of this magnitude would make anyone apprehensive and worried. But I am assuring you that all will be well at the end of the day. A bold step taken shall not be regretted, I assure you. Please do be informed that this business transaction is 100% legal. If you do not wish to co-operate in this transaction, please contact our intermediary representatives to further discuss the matter.

I pray that you understand our plight. My family and our colleagues will be forever grateful. Please reply in strict confidence to the contact numbers below.

Sincerely with warm regards,

George Walker Bush

Switchboard: 202.456.1414
Comments: 202.456.1111
Fax: 202.456.2461
Email: president@whitehouse.gov


Source: This parody of the ubiquitous Nigerian scam letter was written by Zoltan Grossman


Thought for today: If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.

Its My Party!

Today is my birthday. I won't be celebrating it anywhere but online, so please leave a comment to make me think I actually have friends. Or email me, thats always nice. Gifts may be sent via Paypal. This is about the only date I can rationalize writing about astrology. If you don't take it seriously (and I don't, I'd rather put stock in fortune cookies), you can find some fun stuff on the internets.

The Birthday calculator. Sure, it will tell you how old you are (like you didn't know), but there are other interesting things here. I never knew that the moon was full the day I was born. That would probably explain a lot.

Your results on the birthday calculator will give your "tree". If you don't know what that means, here's a guide to your tree horoscope. I am a Hazelnut tree!

HAZELNUT TREE "THE EXTRAORDINARY"
*People born under the Hazelnut tree are very charming. They feel deeply about things and are very understanding of other people. They make great friends and they are great listeners who friends can come to for comfort. Undemanding sorts, these sweet souls are usually popular and are liked for their open and sunny nature. They definitely know how to make a good impression on others. These people are concerned with fairness and justice and can be active fighters for social causes. They are occasionally moody and what they want from a romantic partner changes from day to day. But they are also very honest and patient in their love relationships.

I'll take that. And since I'm a Steel Magnolia, I'll also take my Southern Sign, too. You can find yours here. I'm a boiled peanut. Delicious!

BOILED PEANUTS (Sept 24 - Oct 23)
You have a passionate desire to help your fellow man. Unfortunately, those who know you best - your friends and loved ones - may find that your personality is much too salty, and their criticism will probably affect you deeply because you are really much softer than you appear. You should go right ahead and marry anybody you want to because in a certain way, yours is a charmed life. On the road of life, you can be sure that people will always pull over and stop for you.

Along the same lines, I consulted my Australian horoscope and found I am a cockatoo.

COCKATOO (Libra Sept 24 - Oct 23)
Cockatoos continually primp and preen their feathers to attract potential mates. It is also a reflection of their high self-esteem. Their open, friendly nature can be seen in their willingness to mix with others. Cockatoos are sometimes seen alone but, mostly, they spend time in large groups enjoying each other's company.
Cockatoo Woman: The Cockatoo woman likes to own lovely things - beautiful clothes, perfume, pictures, fresh flowers, candlelight and good music. She has a flair for socializing, and entertaining at home. Her home will be well cared for, clean and colorful in a quiet way, and she will surround herself with furniture that blends with her nature. She is usually highly intellectual, witty and charming. She is sentimental and affectionate, and does not like to work or live alone.

I even consulted my love compatibility chart, just for blog research, you know. Turns out I'm compatible with, oh, about half the other signs. Just like if you WEREN'T using astrology. You can calculate yours here.


More Astrology humor
Be sure to check out the Star Wars horoscopes and terrible thoughts about your sign.


How Many Members of Your Sign
Does It Take to Change a Lightbulb?

ARIES: Just one. Wanna make something of it?

TAURUS: Well, I prefer natural light if at all possible. Are you absolutely positive that lightbulb is burned out? I hate to throw it away if it still might be useful.

GEMINI: Probably one is best, because if there are more than one, they'll get so wrapped up in talking to each other that they'll forget all about the lightbulb.

CANCER: Only one, but three therapists will be needed to help with the grieving process. OR: Only one, as long as his mommy holds his hand.

LEO: Leos do not change their own lightbulbs. They find someone else to do it for them.

VIRGO: 1.11111119873, give or take .00000000000013%.

LIBRA: Well, I could do it, unless of course you'd prefer to do it, but you look sort of busy right now. What do you want to do?

SCORPIO: One, from across the room, if they've learned their teleporting lessons well enough.
OR, thanks to one of our website visitors: None, because Scorpios aren't afraid of the dark.

SAGITTARIUS: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got the rest of our lives ahead of us and you're worrying about a stupid light bulb?

CAPRICORN: I don't have time for these foolish jokes.

AQUARIUS: Well, you see, energy is really matter and matter is really energy and light is a form of energy but the light bulb is matter, and--

PISCES: What light bulb?


I was shocked! shocked! to get this one in my inbox. Since I am a thorough blogger, I will dutifully pass it on to you. (Thanks, JJ)

AFTER SEX BEHAVIOR BY SIGN

Aries: Okay, let's do it again...

Taurus: I'm hungry - pass the pizza...

Gemini: Have you seen the TV remote?

Cancer: When are we getting married?

Leo: Wasn't I fantastic?

Virgo: I need to wash the sheets.

Libra: I liked it if you liked it...

Scorpio: Perhaps I should untie you...

Sagittarius: Don't call me - I'll call you...

Capricorn: Do you have a business card?

Aquarius: Now let's try it with our clothes off.

Pisces: What did you say your name was?


HAPPY BIRTHDAY
to Elowyn Meizhen, who is turning three today! Although we've never met, I will always remember your birthday!


Thought for today: Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.

Weekend Links

I feel pretty, oh so pretty! This is me, using the Mini-Mizer. You can make a figure of yourself (or at the least the image of a figure of yourself) using lego images.

Take a look at TONS of photos from Burning Man 2005, in comic book form. (Thanks, Patrice!)

By now, I'm sure someone has sent you a picture of the Beer Looter Dude. I got four messages about it. He may not know it, but he's got a website, with many many embarassing and possibly offensive (some wouldn't load for me) pictures.

Light Saber game, The Jedi Trainer.

Odd but somewhat satisfying game: Celebrity Girl Fight

Get yourself a new middle name and some new relatives.

Ooooh, aesthetic AND psychedelic! Liquid sculpture.




This is an example of Worth 1000’s propaganda poster photoshop contest. There are some talented people out there. And some not-so-talented. And some that have spelling problems. How sad is it that you've spent 48 hours perfecting your photoshopped masterpiece, submitted it, seen it on the website, then realize there's a misspelled word? No, don't bother looking for misspellings in the picture here, but see if you can find them on the website. Its a lot easier to correct a blog entry than a piece of art.

If you remember anything about George Orwell’s novel 1984, or even if you don’t, read how current events eerily reflect the future as Orwell invisioned in 1948.

Learn how to fold various paper airplanes with this flash presentation.

Now a commercial: Blauplunkt speakers.


A friend wanted to warn me about a medical scam that is becoming more common all over. So ladies, beware of anyone resembling this fellow. (Thanks, Jeanine)
THIS JUST IN

President Bush Sells Louisiana Back to the French
President Bush and a giddy Jacques Chirac shake hands on the deal.

BATON ROUGE, LA. - The White House announced today
that President Bush has successfully sold the state of
Louisiana back to the French at more than double its
original selling price of $11,250,000.

"This is a bold step forward for America," said Bush.
"And America will be stronger and better as a result.
I stand here today in unity with French Prime Minister
Jack Sharaq, who was so kind to accept my offer of
Louisiana in exchange for 25 million dollars cash."

The state, ravaged by Hurricane Katrina, will cost
hundreds of billions of dollars to rebuild.

"Jack understands full well that this one's a 'fixer
upper,'" said Bush. "He and the French people are
quite prepared to pump out all that water, and make
Louisiana a decent place to live again. And they've
got a lot of work to do. But Jack's assured me, if
it's not right, they're going to fix it."

The move has been met with incredulity from the
beleaguered residents of Louisiana.

"Shuba-pie!" said New Orleans resident Willis
Babineaux. "Frafer-perly yum kom drabby sham!"

However, President Bush's decision has been widely
lauded by Republicans.

"This is an unexpected but brilliant move by the
President," said Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist.
"Instead of spending billions and billions, and
billions of dollars rebuilding the state of Louisiana,
we've just made 25 million dollars in pure profit."

"This is indeed a smart move," commented Fox News
analyst Brit Hume. "Not only have we stopped the
flooding in our own budget, we've made money on the
deal. Plus, when the god-awful French are done fixing
it up, we can easily invade and take it back again."

The money gained from 'The Louisiana Refund' is
expected to be immediately pumped into the rebuilding
of Iraq.


Thought for today: Ask not for whom the bell tolls, just let the answering machine get it.

Links are on me!

Surprise! I made the list of China Adoption Blogs. This is not really a China Adoption Blog, as you may have guessed, but the subtitle of the list is something about blogs by China adoptive parents. Now, that I am. So you haven't been steered wrongly. (Thanks, Ron!) When someone puts out a list of Indian Adoption Blogs, I may make that one, too. But I really just want to keep my stuff here in the attic, and amuse my friends and acquaintences.

When we learned about sensory clutter and anomoly focus in school, we never knew how useful it would be in the bathroom. Check out the picture at left. Talk about innovation that has real-world applications! (Thanks, Joe!)

If you enjoy amusement parks with thrilling thrill rides, you'll love the entries in this Photoshop contest.

Careful when you register a domain name! Check the comments for further mispronunciations.

Blog worth reading: A journal from an American student in Dakar, Senegal.

Use your mouse on this page! Good for meditation.

Website ad.. have I found my dream man?

Advertising campaigns made easy with the Ad Conceptor.


Teasing can be fun. Try tickling this guy's nose with your cursor.

National Geographic has a webcam trained on a watering hole in Botswana. They say the best time for viewing animals is 7AM-12noon Botswana time. The middle of the night in the US. You might see giraffes, monkeys, etc. (Thanks, Linda!)

Indulge your fantasies without risking fatal injury or disease with a stay in one of these rooms at the Anniversary Inn. That us, IF you can get a reservation!

You THINK you know when someone's smiling in a genuine fashion or just stretching that big fat mouth. Test yourself and be sure.

Surely by now, you've seen a photoshopped picture or two of George Bush's New Orleans vacation. Here are more of them.


Free condoms. Nuff said.

Grandpa Aaron was always going on about the good old days, and the lower cost of living, in particular...

"When I was a kid, my mom could send me to the store, and I'd get a salami, two pints of milk, 6 oranges, 2 loaves o' bread, and a magazine, some new blue jeans... all for a dollar!!

Then Grandpa said sadly ..."You can't DO that any more...they got those damn video cameras everywhere you look..






Thought for today: You can get shoes for 85 cents at bowling alleys.

Can I buy you a link?

Citizen X from Life During War has made a hobby out of humiliating his brother Larry on the web. You are also invited to take part.

Find out ahead of time how bad you are going to screw up a project by using this Murphy’s Law Calculator!

I cased you missed it, here's the video where Dr. Ben Marble told off Dick Cheney. The good doctor doesn't appear on the news footage, but a friend videotaped him. THAT tape will be going to the highest bidder.


How to call a company and get a live human being to talk to you.


The Brits are up in arms over the proposed National ID Cards. Here’s a video “Swizz of the Cards” mocking the plan. You don’t have to be totally politically savvy to enjoy it.

My math teacher sent me this link. Ignore all the educational BS, click where it says something about "use the tools" and have fun spinning the shapes. Try it with the "transparent" on. (Thanks, Joe!)

To get an early start on Christmas shopping, buy some beautiful calendars and help support an orphanage at the same time. Christy has the details.

The ladies at Snarkywood are having a contest. The winner will get to pick the next celebrity snark target. To enter, donate $5 to the Red Cross.

I often stumble across interesting sites when I'm looking for something completely different. Here is a blog from a woman who is trying to break into the acting business. What is really fascinating is that she moved to New York to pursue her dream JUST before 9/11. Afterwards, she moved back home to New Orleans. She evacuated last week, and is once again in New York.

Another DIY kaleidoscope here, with lots of design freedom.

Feels like Rain by John Hiatt (Thanks, Del!)

Ever wonder how exciting a blog from a librarian would be? No? Foxy Librarian is delightfully fascinating. If you are a librarian (and I know quite a few), you might be interested in checking out her links to many other librarian blogs. There are also links to Foxy Lawyer, Foxy Pathologist, etc.



The University of Kentucky WON a FOOTBALL game, beating Idaho State 41-29.






Thought for today: Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

Boys Gone Wild

April was riding down I-75 last weekend, thinking about all the traffic heading to Bristol National Speedway for the NASCAR races. It was quite a party, from what I've heard. Anyway, she saw a schoolbus. Nothing unusual, but then she noticed that the back of the bus didn't say "school", it said "chool". What? She took a picture to make sure what she saw was what she thought she saw.



As her car got closer, she noticed this really was NOT a normal schoolbus.



As they got closer, yes, she did she what she thought she saw. But she took a picture because otherwise, no one would believe her.



Girls Gone Wild Camera Crew. Note the bus number. As April's car passed the bus, faces appeared in the windows. The guys inside gave her thumbs up and gestured for her to flash them. LOL! This was not, of course, the crew that goes to college parties and produces videotapes to sell on late night TV. We figure it was a group of fellows who put their imaginations into maximizing their resources (an old schoolbus) to further their ultimate goal of seeing as many boobs as they can.

I can see it now. Dude! Lets take the breastmobile to Bristol this weekend! There's LOTS of babes with boobs at a NASCAR race!

You can imagine they probably had some luck in their quest. SOME of the women who would expose themselves might be sorely dissapointed to find they will NOT be unpaid talent for the lucrative "Girls Gone Wild" video series. Their parents would be relieved.

While we're talking buses, read a story about an eco-friendly school bus conversion. If you happen to have an old bus, here's how to convert it to an RV. If you thought I would give a link to Girls Gone Wild, sorry, you can find that on your own.


Thought for today: Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich!

Update from Louisiana

The news is that several dozen evacuees are on their way to my tiny town to stay for a few months. I hear the same story in places all over the country. This will be our chance to show some real hospitality, and fulfill people's need to do something. Many communities helping just a few people at a time will make things so much better all around.

The latest update from Dawn in Lafayette:

I just had to tell you...I was so an very impressed with the organization of the Cajundome shelter when I was there the other day. I wished someone would tell the world that the Superdome madness was not typical of these evacuees or how tough situation like this is handled. Well...I got my wish! Today First Lady Laura Bush came to Lafayette Check it out. I have never been a fan of President Bush…but Laura Bush has always seemed to me the quintessential First Lady. All style and class…so to me a compliment from her is EVERYTHING. Wooo HOOO…way to go Lafayette) and specifically stopped in at the Cajundome to meet people and check out the situation. She then talked with reporters and said what wanted someone to say. I felt so proud hearing her say she had not expected to find a shelter running so smoothly, and a place taking such good care of their displaced neighbors. Days after people have come to stay with us here in Lafayette...they admit (as do we) it is not the most ideal situation but that it is certainly a comfort until they are able to relocate.

The evacuee kids start school here on Wednesday. Which I believe they are all looking forward to doing. Lots of the local businesses are looking for ways to give these people jobs to keep them going. Today the company I work for cooked 800 burgers and 400 hot dogs to feed the evacuees at the two hotels located near our office building. We also ended up having enough to feed everyone in one of the local church shelters. It was a great way to spend the day. If you don’t know…Cajuns, especially Oilfield Cajuns know how to have a cook-out. We got to meet some great people some of whom were headed back to their homes today in the lesser hit areas to see what they had left. One guy and his family had been searching for his parents and other family members for days and while we sat there chatting with them he got the call that they had found shelter right her in Lafayette AND that the shelter was right around the corner! It was great to see these people smile with some good news.

By the way…I think I told you we had a cousin and his family missing since the day of the hurricane. He and his family decided to wait it out at their home in Ocean Springs, Ms. Last time we heard from them they were in the attic of their house waiting for rescue (that was on Monday). We received word that they were rescued from their roof Thursday and that they were all just fine.


Another article on how the "intelligence" was ignored.

Check back with Miss Cellania regularly! By tomorrow, I hope to have something amusing for you!


Thought for today: All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

Links all around!

Not that I'm that picky. My late husband fit into several of those categories. His other qualities more than made up for it!


Attention Killer Ladybugs- What NOT to name your baby. Sometimes its too late, and we get to choose which name is worst.


Cartoon of Bomby, the Bomb-Exploding Robot. (Thanks Carol Anne!)

Perfect name for a porta-potty company.


Some nice animated ecards available at Nobodys Here.

Todays quiz: Which Bob Dylan song are you? (Thanks Del!)

Are you right brained or left brained? Who knows the difference? Which is better? Who cares as long as I get my coffee? (Thanks Carol Anne, Dawn/Beth, and Sarah!)

Look for old school pictures of you or your friends at this site.

Here's another mindless game to keep you at the computer.

Have you ever wondered what your furniture does when no one is home? Not work- or child-safe.


Thought for today: Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.

odds and ends

Thanks for the feedback and submissions! The smartest man I know wrote and asked me what Cellania means. Several people want me to send them tomatoes. Still taking suggestions. Give me a topic, and I'll throw it into the pot and let it stew.


Lorrie is trying to tell me there ain't no Santa Claus. I saw him yesterday at an intersection. He was a big guy, about fiftysomething, with long white hair and beard, driving a sporty red convertable. I smiled at him. He winked at me! Hee hee, Santa is going through a mid-life crisis!


"Irony lives in China, a photo blog" (Thanks Ann!) Check out the picture of the sign for Zapata's restaurant!


Just beautiful. Harbin’s Ice and Snow World


Todays quiz: What Dilbert character are you?

Worth1000.com has constant contests for Photoshop enthusiasts. Right now they are featuring one for melding two movies into one poster. Take a look! See The Lion King and I, A Few Good Men in Black, Dirty Harry Potter, and My Big Fat Greeking Wedding Crashers. You'll need to scroll down a bit, they have a lot of ads.


If you are going to pick your nose, do it here.


Thought for today: It's hard to make a come back when you haven't been
anywhere.

Tomatoes

For about three weeks every August, I am buried in tomatoes. Here's what I do with them: I pick, sort, wash, boil, peel, chop, drain, reboil, can, label, and store them. The next day its the same thing. Occasionally, I even eat them. At the end of this period, when I have time to look up, I wonder where the kids are. Oh! School started already?

Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE tomatoes, particularly the organic backyard sun-ripened kind. Otherwise, I wouldn’t plant the seeds every January. But by the time I’m wiping tomato juice off the walls in late August, they begin to haunt my dreams.We have stewed tomatoes, tomato juice, tomato soup, baked tomatoes, tomato salad, fried green tomatoes, tomato wraps, gazpacho, spaghetti sauce, ketchup, and salsa. This is at the tail end of a summer spent putting up jams, jellies, beans, and peppers, too. I do not make tomato soap.

Every year I learn something, usually from a failure. This year the lesson came from success. Six cherry tomato plants are too much. Two or three will produce plenty of salad for a family. Anyone who puts out two dozen cherry tomato plants should be shot. That would be me. I gave away as many as possible, but they kept multiplying. I finally took down the blender and made juice, but it was a ton of trouble washing that many ping pong ball sized tomatoes. The large tomatoes have now waned, but the cherry size will continue to bear until frost, or whenever I tear them up by the roots.




Tomatoes are big all over. Except for the little ones. In Valencia, Spain, they set aside a few days just to throw tomatoes at each other. Tomato festivals are big in the US, but here they tend to be like county fairs, with parades, funnel cakes, and Porta-Potties. I found dozens, but I'll just link to a few, from Yuba City, CA, somewhere in New Jersey, and Pittston, PA.

Tomatoes have been honored in movies, too. Remember Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe?



And the classic Attack of the Killer Tomatoes (yes, the song is here)


I even found a religion based on tomatoes, and they even have a yahoogroup, although its not real busy.

Thought for today: Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

Wedding Announcements

Hurry .. hurry ...













"Well, years ago I might have . . . . ".














"The main thing I learned in College was . . . .& quot;














"As soon as I get done here I'm gonna . . . . "











"The coroner told me that it looked like he had
been hit in the head several times with a . . . . . "










...no comment ...















"Not only has my ass been itchin', on closer
inspection I find my . . ."
















No Comment .... really!!!






















"It figures, right after I got my Butts-McCracken
condition cleared up, now I've got an . . . . ."
















"Honest Judge, I'm not really a . . .

















"My Doctor told me the best way to get rid of my
Aikin-Johnson was to . . .. . . "






"And...the Doctor also suggested for preventative measures,
at least twice a week, I should be . . . . . . . "












"After I get all of these medical problems taken care of,
I think I'll go get a . . ."

Thought for today:

Marriage changes passion...suddenly you're in bed with a relative.