Pillsbury Doughboy

It it weren’t for Arbroath, I would never get any news from the outside world. Thats what its like when you are unemployed. I’m staying busy baking cookies and brownies for the kids, and getting fatter by the day. I was shocked to find that the Pillsbury Doughboy was kidnapped! Luckily, the story has a happy ending.

But this is not the first time it has happened!

Pillsbury Doughboy kidnapped

By John Breneman

In a brazen act of culinary-political terrorism, masked intruders armed with razor-sharp butter knives kidnapped the Pillsbury Doughboy from the heavily guarded Pop "n" Fresh compound in Crescent City, California.

No group has claimed responsibility for the abduction of the Doughboy, the cherubic, flour-white baking industry icon who is the sole heir to the vast Pillsbury fortune. But a ransom note scrawled in chocolate frosting at the scene demanded that four dozen unmarked fudge brownies and $50 million be deposited in a Danish bank account.

The FBI reportedly is investigating several leads -- including whether Pillsbury archrival Duncan Hines is in any way involved. A source close to the Doughboy said he was in possession of a new secret recipe for a no-calorie bundt cake at the time he was snatched.

According to an anonymous FBI informant known only as John Dough, other possible suspects include Betty Crocker, a Pillsbury subsidiary whose own line of mouth-watering baked goods was often overshadowed by the ubiquitious Doughboy. Federal investigators are also looking into a possible connection between the Pillsbury kidnapping and the nearby heist of an armored Brink's truck filled with dough.

The only witness to the abuduction was one of the Doughboy's bodyguards, who reportedly saw a dark, late-model sedan racing away from the Pillsbury compound and thought he heard plaintive, high-pitched squeals of "Hoo, hoo!" coming from inside the vehicle.


The Pillsbury Doughboy. Yes, you can poke him!

Its even more fun to poke him here.

The Dancing Doughboy. If you think you can choreograph this better, you can design your own Doughboy Dance.

The Doughboy photo album.

His fan club.

When you are a big star, there are always outtakes circulating.

There was that one really embarassing moment caught on tape.




And sometimes its not so easy to make everyone happy.

OBITUARY (Thanks, Eva!)

Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community.

The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71. Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours. Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and described Doughboy lovingly as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he was still a crusty old man and was considered a roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, two children, John Dough and Jane Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He also is survived by his elderly dad, Pop Tart. The funeral was held at 350 for about 20 minutes.

Thought for today: Nothing says lovin like somethin from the oven.



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