Breakfast

Since I quit smoking, food has taken on an inordinant importance in my daily life. At first, it was “go ahead and eat, whatever it takes to keep from smoking”. See, I used a “kitchen sink” stop-smoking plan, meaning every technique possible at once. Of course, after a while I ballooned into a really really fat lady, which horrified me. So I went on a no carb diet. I happen to know it works, although its extremely difficult, since carbohydrates are the only thing that makes you feel like you’ve eaten anything at all. Therefore, plenty of bacon and eggs and cheese. I love breakfast.

That diet went out the window while I was out of town. Its hard to graze without a refrigerator, so I managed to scarf up anything and everything on the menu. IHOP doesn’t believe in small breakfast plates, either. If you order bacon and eggs, you’ll get bacon and eggs and potatoes and grits and pancakes. Would you prefer toast or biscuits with that? Yowsa!

Breakfast: its whats for breakfast.

Breakfasts in America.

Signs that you just might not be a morning person.

100 songs about food.

Send a Virtual Spatula to your favorite cook.

PUNISHMENT (Thanks, Eva!)

A little boy comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores. "Not yet," said the little boy. His mother tells him no breakfast till the chores are done. Well, he's a little pissed, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig. He goes back in for breakfast, and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. "How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks. "Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig,so you don't get any bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren't getting any milk." Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen. The little boy looks up at his mother and with a smile says: "Are you going to tell him, or should I ?



BREAKFAST (Thanks, Joe!)

She was in the kitchen preparing boiled eggs for breakfast.

Her husband walks in and asks, "What's for breakfast?"

She turns to him and anxiously says, "Quick! You've got to make love to me this very moment!"

Thinking it's his lucky day, he stands her over the kitchen table and they have sex. When they finish, he asks, "What was that all about?"

She replied, "The egg timer is broken."

(OUCH! Women can be so cruel, even first thing in the morning.)


A WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST

She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.

Her son is on the cover of the Wheatie's box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.


Here’s a Muppet game called Lets Make Breakfast! for kids.

Those who are more violently inclined can box with their breakfast with Brawling Breakfast.


Thought for today: If breakfast is the most important meal of the day, why don’t we just have it for lunch and supper, too?

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