The Bright Lights of Hollywood

Q: How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."

Q: How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.

Q: How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: That's electric's job.

Q: How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: It's not a bulb, it's a globe.

Q: How many Directors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one... but how do you get him in there with the cute blonde?

Q: How many Directors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one more, guys, I promise.

Q: How many Cinematographers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one, if he's got a good crew to do it.

Q: How many Cinematographers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?

Q: How many Superstar Actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One: They just hold it and the whole world revolves around them.

Q: How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...

Q: How many editors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: If we change the light bulb, we'll have to change everything!

Q: How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.

Q: How many Camera Assistants does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Five: One to do it and four to tell you how they did it on the last job.

Q: How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: "Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"

Q: How many Production Assistants does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Nine. One to do it and eight others to wish they'd been asked.

Q: How many Production Assistants does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: What's a light bulb?

Q: How many over eager Production Assistants does it take to screw in a li...
A: Done!
(Note: When telling this out loud to someone the joke is to wait for them to start asking "How ma...?" then cut 'em off with "Done!"

Q: How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.

Q: How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.

Q: How many Studio Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: We don't know. Light bulbs last longer than studio executives.

Q: How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Well, first let's talk about the concept behind this whole "light bulb" thing.

Q: How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.

Q: How many Screenwriters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: The bulbs IN and it's staying IN!

Q: How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: WHAT?

Q: How many 1st Assistant Directors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Why the f--k are you asking me that question? Can't you see I'm busy!

Q: How many 2nd Assistant Directors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Uh...standby, I'll check on that.