Wednesday, January 02, 2013

Pets' Diaries

The Dog's Diary:

7 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favorite!

8 am- Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!

9 am- Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!

Noon- Oh boy! The yard! My favorite!

2 pm- Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!

3 pm- Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!

4 pm- Oh boy! Playing ball! My favorite!

6 pm- Oh boy! Welcome home Mom! My favorite!

7 pm- Oh boy! Welcome home Dad! My favorite!

8 pm- Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!

9 pm- Oh boy! Tummy rubs on the couch! My favorite!

11 pm- Oh boy! Sleeping in my people's bed! My favorite!

The Cat's Diary:

Day 183 of my captivity: My captors continued to taunt me with bizarre
little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced
to eat dry cereal.

The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild
satisfaction I get from clawing the furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another
house plant.

Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded. Must try this at the top of the stairs.

In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again
induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair. Must try this on their bed.

Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear in their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan.

There was some sort of a gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in
solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More important, I overheard that my confinement was due to my powers of inducing "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit.

The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant because it speaks
with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his
current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured.

But I can wait. It's only a matter of time


Sue Dunham said...

Wow, Miss C. Did you post this for nostalgic reasons? This is one of the first things I got when I hooked up to the interweb 20 years ago.

Miss Cellania said...

Sort of... all the jokes on this site are pretty old, but when I changed sites, most of the archives were saved in files instead of importing. So I'm SLOWLY reposting stuff from years ago. I think I first put this one up about six years ago.