From Feng at Fengtastic!
Sunday, March 25, 2012
23rd Century Light Bulbs
Q: How many members of the USS Enterprise does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Six: Scotty to get on the intercom when the light goes out and say "I canna do it, Cap'n! These bulbs are stoon dead", Spock to tell Kirk he is proceeding illogically, McCoy to say "They're dead, Jim!" and "Dammit Jim-I'm a doctor not an electrician!!", Kirk to screw it in, and two red-shirt security men to die in the process.Q:
How many Klingons does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: TWO: One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all of the credit.
Q: How many Klingons does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: NONE: Klingons aren't afraid of the dark.
Q: What do the Klingons do with the dead bulb?
A: Execute it for failure.
Q: What do the Klingons do with the Klingon who replaces the bulb?
A: Execute him for cowardice.
Q: How many Romulans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: ONE HUNDRED FIFTY_ONE: One to screw the light bulb in, and 150 to self-destruct the ship out of disgrace.
Q: How many Vulcans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Approximately 1.00000000000000000000000000000000
Q: How many Borg does it take to change a light-bulb?
A: All of them!
The Vegetable Song
Fresh garden-grown vegetables are wonderful! So is this silly animation about them, created by Si Bennett to encourage Oliver to eat his vegetables. Works for me. (via the Presurfer)
The World's Shortest Fairy Tale
Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?"The girl said, "NO!"
And the guy lived happily ever after and went fishing, hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and farted whenever he wanted. (Thanks, Linda!)
And the girl got to have her nails done and she didn't have to pick up icky gym socks off the floor, and she didn't have to wash his dirty underwear. She tossed her razor in the garbage and SHE lived happily ever after. (Thanks, Desiree!)
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Kick 'Em When They're Down
I've been waiting for this moment for a long time, Fluffy. Now I've got you right where I want you... (via Arbroath)
Across the Language Gap
Mr Goldberg, from Pinsk, coming to America, shared a table in the ship's dining-room with a Frenchman. Mr Goldberg could speak neither French nor English; the Frenchman could speak neither Russian nor Yiddish.The first day out, the Frenchman approached the table, bowed and said, "Bon appetit!''
Mr Goldberg, puzzled for a moment, bowed back and replied "Goldberg.''
Every day at every meal the same routine occurred. On the fifth day, another passenger took Goldberg aside. "Listen, the Frenchman isn't telling you his name. He's saying `Good Appetite,' that's what `Bon appetit!' means.''
At the next meal, Mr Goldberg, beaming, bowed to the Frenchman and said, "Bon appetit!''
And the Frenchman, beaming, replied: "Goldberg!''
(via Phil’s Phun)
Squirrel Coffee Cup
Squirrel Coffee Cup - $2.95
Are you feeling insanely lonely? Maybe it's time you invited your favorite rodent over for a nice cup of hot Joe. Your woodland friend is sure to go nuts over The Squirrel Coffee Cup from the NeatoShop. It's not often a squirrel is greeted with such warmth and hospitality.
Be sure to check out the NeatoShop for more fun Gag Gifts & Pranks!
Link
Remember, a portion of every NeatoShop item you buy through this website helps to support Miss Cellania.
Order your Miss Cellania T-shirt at the NeatoShop, too!
Oscar's New Feet
Oscar lost his back feet in a combine accident. But a veterinary hospital tried a groundbreaking technique on him. His stumps were embedded with a prosthetic that allows tissue to grow over it. New feet can be connected to the stump prosthetic. Here's a video with more information, and Oscar's upgraded feet.
Notice how much more comfortable he is with using them by the time the second video was made. (via reddit)
Miss Cellania's Weekend Links
The Late Movies: Tug of War.
It’s Good to Be a YAVIS.
The loudest self-proclaimed Christians are giving the faith a bad name.
The Titanic Today. High-resolution pictures showing the wreckage at the ocean floor, 100 years later.
Venn diagrams to explain Fark to someone who's never been there.
The life of Samuel Parks as Hopp, The Frog Boy.
He asked reddit if someone would please fix this picture of his parents.
5 Reasons The Walking Dead Has to Get Better.
The weirdest news stories of the week.
The 10 Greatest Love Affairs in History.
Tea Time
I gave my baby daughter, a little ‘tea set’ as a gift and it was one of her favorite toys.I was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when she brought me a little cup of ‘tea,’ which was just water.
After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my wife came home. I made her wait in the living room to watch the little princess bring me a cup of tea, because it was, “just the cutest thing!”
My wife waited, and sure enough, here she come down the hall with a cup of tea for me and my wife watches as I drink it up, then the wife says, “Did it ever occur to you that the only place our daughter can reach to get water is the toilet?”
The Accident
An Irish priest and a Rabbi get into a car accident. They both get out of their cars and stumble over to the side of the road.The Rabbi says, "Oy vey! What a wreck!"
The priest asks him, "Are you all right, Rabbi?"
The Rabbi responds, "Just a little shaken."
The priest pulls a flask of whiskey from his coat and says, "Here, drink some of this it will calm your nerves."
The Rabbi takes the flask and drinks it down and says, "Well, what are we going to tell the police?"
"Well," the priest says, "I don't know what your aft' to be tellin' them. But I'll be tellin' them I wasn't the one drinkin'."
Friday, March 23, 2012
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