Evicting a Raccoon

Carsen Parker had a raccoon inside his yard, which is surrounded by a sturdy, relatively high iron fence. He went out to remove the critter, thinking it would be a simple task of chasing it to the gate, but the raccoon had other ideas. He did not want to leave. "The days I've spent here have been the best of my raccoon life. I find this yard to be quite pleasant, and I'm considering settling here on a permanent basis. Your attitude about this matter concerns me, but overall, I enjoy your company. Why don't you want me to live here?" (via Tastefully Offensive)