Caught in the Act

A wife comes home early from work one day, and when she walks in the front door, she finds her husband on the floor, in a very compromising position with a very attractive young woman.

The wife screams, "You are a disrespectful pig! How dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce!"

The husband pleads, "Hang on just a minute love, so at least I can tell you what happened."

"Go ahead," the wife sobs, "but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!"

So the husband begins "Well, I was getting into the car to drive home from the market, and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car.

"I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days.

"So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.

"Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away.

"Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years that I bought you, but don't wear because you say they are too tight.

"I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present from me, which you don't wear because you said I don't have good taste.

"I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair the same.

"I asked her if she had a place to stay and she said she is living on the streets until she can get a job so to make sure she can protect herself while living on the streets I gave her the handgun and ammunition that I bought for you last year that you said you would never touch because you don't believe in guns."

The husband took a quick breath and continued, "She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, 'Do you have anything else you can give me that your wife doesn't use anymore?'"

(Thanks, Jefferson Preston!)