Phases of Death

Obituary

When the husband finally died his wife put the usual death notice in the paper, but added that he died of gonorrhea. No sooner were the papers delivered when a friend of the family phoned and complained bitterly, “You know very well that he died of diarrhea, not gonorrhea.”

Replied the widow, “I nursed him night and day so of course I know he died of diarrhea, but I thought it would be better for posterity to remember him as a great lover rather than the big shit he always was.”

(Thanks, Rich!)

Mortuary

A mortician was laying out the body of a man with an unbelievably long penis. He called in his receptionist to show her.

She took one look and said, “That’s just like my Harry’s.”

“You mean he’s got one that long?” the mortician asked.

“No,” she replied. “That dead.”

(Thanks, Rich!)

Cemetery

A man's wife passes away. It's a well known fact that she had a lover for many years. At the funeral the lover is there and is weeping uncontrollably.

The husband walks up, puts his arm around the lover and says, "Don't worry, I'll marry again soon."

(Thanks, Duke!)