(via reddit)
Monday, April 30, 2012
Darth vs. You
What happens when you pit Darth Vader against a 21-century Terran fanboy? Well, you can see it turns out a bit different from the movie. This is the trailer for the Star Wars Kinect game. (via Boing Boing)
Child Support
Father: When you go back to your Mom’s tonight, give her this envelope and tell her that since you are 18, this is the LAST check she’ll ever see from me for child support. Then stand back and watch the expression on her face.Daughter: OK.
(Later)
Daughter: Mom, Dad asked me to give you this envelope. He said to tell you that since I’m now 18, this is the LAST child support payment he’ll ever make to you. Now, I’m supposed to stand back and watch the expression on your face.
Mother: Next time you see your Dad, tell him that after 18 years I’ve decided to inform him that he’s not your father. Then stand back and watch the expression on HIS face.
Mommy Needs Another Cocktail Kitchen Towel
Be sure to check out the NeatoShop for more fun kitchen Linens and fantastic Mother's Day gift ideas.
Order yours here!
Miss Cellania's Links
Stephen Colbert's speech at the TIME 100 gala was a hoot, hitting the elite where it hurts. (via Metafilter)
The Late Movies: A Cappella Goes Pop.
50 Rules for Daughters. I wouldn't call them "rules" myself, but definitely good advice.
New Yorker Covers You Were Never Meant To See.
The Invention of Jaywalking. A hundred years ago, pedestrians had the right and the right-of-way in city streets -so what happened?
Austerity measures are not working to aid the economy, but no one is willing to try the opposite.
I am sure this is a case of English as a second language -or third, maybe, but it's still side-splittingly funny. Then the original commenter responded on his blog. NSFW language.
Finland
Finns go crazy in the summer, with competitions in swamp soccer, sauna sitting, and wife carrying. (via Simply Left Behind)
What Finland can teach America about true luxury.
A library patron in Vantaa, Finland quietly returned a book that had been loaned out over 100 years ago! The fine at the time the book was checked out was ten pennies per week. The Fark thread that accompanied this is full of geographic puns.
Finnish Member of Parliament Tommy Tabermann has propsed that the four weeks of annual vacation in Finland be expanded to include a 7-day "love vacation" to strengthen relationships. The proposal was sent to committee for study. I tried to find out what became of this legislation, but I don't read the language.
Never take Finns lightly. They'll kick your ass if you deserve it. They have sisu and guys like Simo Häyhä.
What it's like to break your arm in Finland.
How (but not why) lutefisk became a delicacy!!
Maybe lutefisk is why they need Salmiakki Koskenkorva.
Finland must be a wonderful place, since Santa Claus chooses to live there. Or was he born there?
A serious note: The Life and Death of an Urban Recluse. (via Metafilter)
You Know You are from Finland if...
You meticulously manage your plastic bag collection.
You don`t think twice about putting wet dishes in the cupboard to dry.
Silence is fun.
Your coffee consumption exceeds 8 cups a day.
You pass a grocery store and think: "Wow, it`s open!"
Your native language has seriously deteriorated.
Now you "eat medicine", "open the television", and "close the lights off".
You associate pea soup with Thursday.
Your notion of street life is reduced to hanging out in front of the railway station on Friday nights.
After a presentation, you finally stop asking "Are there any questions?"
Hugging is reserved for sexual foreplay.
You no longer look at a track suit as casual wear, but consider it acceptable for formal occasions.
Neither do you see a problem wearing white socks with loafers.
You accept alcohol as food.
You no longer eat mashed potatoes - you eat smashed potatoes.
You understand why the Finnish language has no future tense.
You know that "one" beer means "let`s get pissed."
When a stranger smiles at you, you assume he is drunk, insane, or American.
You`ve become lactose intolerant.
You know how to prepare herring 105 different ways.
(via Phil’s Phun)
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Social Media Blues
The video ain't much, but the song made me laugh! Finding love in the world of social media isn't any easier than in the real world. A more involved story on the same subject can be found here.
Standup Prez
President Obama spoke at the annual White House Correspondents Dinner last night. His speech was about eight minutes, but Buzzfeed edited it down to his best lines, which included a dig at HuffPo.
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Shorties
A man robs a bank and takes hostages. He asks the first hostage, "Did you see me rob the bank?"The hostage answers "Yes". The robber promptly shoots him in the head.
Then he asks the second hostage if he saw him rob the bank.
The hostage answers, "No, but my wife did".
*****
Teacher: If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?
Vincent: One dollar.
Teacher (sadly): You don’t know your arithmetic.
Vincent (sadly): You don’t know my father.
*****
The blonde screams into the phone, "Hurry, come quick, my house is on fire!"
The fire chief says, "OK, but how do we get to your house?"
The blonde says, "Duh, use the Red Truck."
Big Moon 2012
Mark your calendar, because you don't want to miss a chance to see the moon showing off its glory! NASA ScienceCasts tell us why. You might want to get your camera ready, too. Now, this says that scientists don't fully understand why the moon looks so much bigger when it's near the horizon. I know a couple of scientists who will explain it to you.
The drama played out at the webcomic Sci-ence.First it was like this.
Then it was updated like this. There's an even more detailed explanation here.
The story of how it all happened was summed up at Bad Astronomy.
The Transformation
Throughout the ages, men have been trying to unlock the mystery as to why their wives who accepted them as they were before they got married, subtly and with determination began the quest to change their behaviour and life-style once their vows were exchanged.Finally, the riddle was solved. A social-scientist arrived at a simple and logical conclusion.
When the bride, accompanied by her father, starts to walk slowly down the long aisle, she sees the altar at the end and hears the choir singing a hymn. Walking down the aisle, the conditioning process where the brain absorbs these three stimuli: aisle, altar, hymn, begins.
She becomes mesmerized as she continually reinforces these perceptions:
aisle, altar, hymn. . .
aisle, altar, hymn. . .
aisle, altar, hymn.
And finally, as she stops beside the groom, the conditioning process is completed. She looks up at him lovingly, smiling sweetly and thinks ‘I’ll alter him’.
(via Bits and Pieces)
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Olympic Tearjerker Spotted
If there was anyone who forgot this is an Olympic year, prepare yourself, because the emotional ad campaigns leading up to the London Olympics have already started. This Mother's Day ad from Procter and Gamble will make you wish your kids had athletic ambitions. Or... it might make you appreciate the sacrifices your mother made for you. (via The Daily What)
God's Gifts
Seems God was just about done creating the universe, and had a couple of left-over things left in his bag of creations, so he stopped by to visit Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden.He told the couple that one of the things he had to give away was the ability to stand up and pee. "It's a very handy thing," God told the couple who he found hanging around under an apple tree. "I was wondering if either one of you wanted that ability."
Adam popped a cork, jumped up and begged, "Oh, give that to me! I'd love to be able to do that! It seems the sort of thing a man should do. Oh please, oh please, oh please, let me have that ability. It would be so great! When I'm working in the garden or naming the animals, I could just let it rip, I'd be so cool. Oh please, God, let it be me who you give that gift to, let me stand and pee, oh please.........." On and on he went.
Eve just smiled and shook her head at the display. She told God that if Adam really wanted it so badly, and it sure seemed to be the sort of thing that would make him happy, she really wouldn't mind if Adam were the one given the ability to stand up and pee.
And so it was. And it was...well, good.
"Fine," God said, looking back into his bag of left-over gifts. "And what do we have left here? Oh yes, multiple orgasms..."
Bizarro comic by Dan Piraro.
Cat In The Hat Aprons
Cat In The Hat Loretta Apron (Adult) - $34.95
Cat In The Hat Jessica Apron (Kids) - $23.95
Where does the NeatoShop find such great Mother's Day gift ideas? We looked! Then we saw them. The Cat in the Hat! These things are good things, we thought. And we gave them a pat.
Celebrate Mother's Day in style with the adorable Dr. Seuss Cat In The Hat Aprons from the NeatoShop. The Cat In The Hat Aprons are available in Adult, Kids, and Toddler (not Shown). Cat In the Hat Oven Mitt Set also available. Oven mitt set includes one adult and one child sized mitt.
Be sure to check out the NeatoShop for more great Aprons.
Cat Gets Neck Massage
Did you ever get one of those neck massagers for Christmas, but never find time to use it? Hey, they can double as a cat petting device! After all, your cat is never too busy for a massage. (via Tastefully Offensive)
Sportsmanship
At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 7-year-old soccer players aside and asked, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?" The little boy nodded in the affirmative."Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?" The little boy nodded yes.
"So," the coach continued, "I'm sure you know, when a foul is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the referee, or call him a pecker-head. Do you understand all that?" Again the little boy nodded.
He continued, "And when I take you out of the game so another boy gets a chance to play, it's not good sportsmanship to call your coach 'a dumb nitwit' is it?'' Again the little boy nodded.
"Good," said the coach. "Now go over there and explain all that to your parents."
Friday, April 27, 2012
Go Right
This tribute to old-school video games will take you back to the arcades of your youth, if that's where you spent it. The music, "A Wild And Distant Shore" by Michael Nyman, makes each game seem like an epic quest. (via Geekosystem)
Report: Every Potential 2040 President Already Unelectable
Surely, they will be able to find someone somewhere who has enough common sense to stay away from Facebook! Or maybe not. (via Cynical-C)
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Baby Label
My daughter and her husband, Monte, had flown to visit me, and he held their baby in his arms as the passengers stood to deplane.Noticing the baby's shirt, which said "Little Terror," a woman commented, "I think it's awful to have your child wear something like that."
"But it's true," Monte replied.
"Well," the woman persisted, "I wouldn't advertise it."
A moment later, he shifted the infant a bit, and the woman exclaimed, "Oh, his shirt says 'Little Terror.' I thought it said 'Little Error.' "
Miss Cellania's Links
How to Be a Horrible Boss. (via Boing Boing)
Norwegians of the Rainbow. Forty thousand gathered near the Oslo courthouse where mass murderer Anders Behring Breivik is on trial to sing about peace and harmony.
The 28 Funniest Facebook Comebacks.
I knew this would happen, but I didn't think it would take two years. The webcomic Axe Cop is going to television!
The Jewish Engineer Behind Hitler’s Volkswagen.
Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch went into foreclosure a few years ago, and was sold off in pieces. But before that happened, urban explorers sneaked in for a night of documenting the amusement park in photographs for posterity.
Those who raise money to fight breast cancer disagree on how best to spend it. Some want mammograms for everyone, but that's not reducing the cancer rate like you'd expect.
The poor dog doesn't know whether to explore, attacks, or run. I pretty much feel the same way when confronted with an electric toothbrush.
Giraffes on Horseback Salads. Is that too surreal for you?
The Slide Aquatic
Should a dead pet fish get a respectful burial or become dinner? The water slide will decide! (via I Am Bored)
Message Parlor
An old Redneck woman in the West Virginia hills received a letter from her grandniece, who'd gone off to the big city to seek her fortune.Puzzled by the writing and the contents, she read to her husband, "Betty Jo says here that she's got herself a job in a... a... a... well, it must be a 'Message' parlour."
"I reckon city folks must leave word there for their neighbors and kinfolk. Them not having back fences and all," her husband said. "Does Betty Jo say how much they's a payin' her?"
"Well, that's the part I can't make out. For the life of me, Paw, she says she gets some $35 for a hand delivered message and $60 if she *blows* it to them!"
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Bake Sale
I think I'll stick with the sugar cookies. This bake sale is brought to you by the comedy troupe Awkward Spaceship. http://www.facebook.com/AwkwardSpaceship (via The Daily What)
Messing with Mother Nature: 5 Invasion Stories
The Game of Hell
This concept of hell is brought to you by the webcomic xkcd. Only a couple of days after this particular comic went viral, there is a playable version. Understand, I said a "playable" version, not a "winnable" version. (via b3ta)
What's Cookin?
The food is rapping about food! This short was produced by BankShot with music by DJ Nick Castle, featuring food-related rap samples from Biggie Smalls, Guru, Raekwon, Q-Tip, Action Bronson, Method Man and others. (via Laughing Squid)
Octodad Development Glitches
Warning: this video may cause nausea, nightmares, or possibly some weird hypnotic state in sensitive people.
Check out the bizarre game Octodad with the trailer for the sequel Octodad: Dadliest Catch. Even funnier than the game is the record of physics and animation glitches encountered during the game's development. (via Geekosystem)
Miss Cellania's Links
Seamstress for the Klan. (via Metafilter)
A teacher, a student and a 39-year-long lesson in forgiveness.
The 7 Greatest Pieces of Trash Talk in the History of War.
Hospitals are hiring debt collectors to man their emergency rooms so they can collect at least something from uninsured patients. Another evil that woudl be solved by a single-payer plan. (via Cynical-C)
Game over, man, game over.
The anxiety of a generation may be defined by the "fear of missing out." or FOMO. Not being in on something everyone else is into can make you feel dumb, but being in on everything can wear you out.
The bar has been raised for the ultimate pizza mashup with Pizza Hut's new Cheeseburger Crown Crust Pizza. The pizza-surrounded-by-cheeseburgers is being test marketed only in the Middle East.
The first drawing of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is now up for auction. In 1983, Kevin Eastman drew it for a laugh that turned into a multimillion-dollar franchise.
BYU engineering students developed a new kind of grappling hook inspired by the film The Dark Knight. How cool is it to do your research by watching a Batman movie over and over?
Blonde on an Escalator
The Bruins game is over, but apparently she forgot something and had to go back up. (via Gorilla Mask)
Telling Time
On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle. One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?"The tower responded, "Who is calling?"
The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"
The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference. If it is an American Airlines flight, it is 3 o'clock. If it is an Air Force plane, it is 1500 hours. If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells. If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3. If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon and 120 minutes to 'Happy Hour.' "
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Crossing the River
There was a Kentucky redneck and an Ohio buckeye, fishing on their respective sides of the Ohio river. Just as soon as the redneck put his line in the water, he slung a fish onto the bank, and the buckeye was catching nothing, so he yelled across to the redneck, ''Buddy, I'd sure like to be on your side of the river!''''Aight, tell ya whut, I'll shine my flashlight 'cross this river, and you can walk across this little beam of light!'' the redneck yelled back.
The buckeye replied, ''Hain't no way, buddy. I know you think I'm a fool! When I get halfway 'cross, you'll turn your flashlight off!''
Garden Party Tablet Sleeve Case
Garden Party Tablet Sleeve Case - $15.95
Be sure to check out the NeatoShop for more Mobile Phone & Tablet Gadgets. Why? Because girls like gadgets too!
Order yours today!
Remember, a portion of every NeatoShop item you buy through this website helps to support Miss Cellania.
Order your Miss Cellania T-shirt at the NeatoShop, too!
Slow Jam the News
Jimmy Fallon had a surprise guest on his show last night to help him "slow jam the news." (via The Daily What)
Miss Cellania's Links
The unlikely story of Tommy, his big head and his family’s even bigger hearts. Part one. And part two. (via Minnesota Public Radio)
A Tribute to Professor Lipscomb.
A Transparent Attempt to Explain the Economics Behind Running a Pop-Culture Website and the Need to Run Intrusive Advertising. This is why I have to work two jobs besides blogging here -and why I don't use Adblock.
The one on far right.
Alfonso Ribeiro channeled Carleton Banks as he led a flash mob in a dance routine. Why yes, they did the Carleton dance ...how did you guess?
The Speedy Greedy Hamster. It's a classic Tom and Jerry cartoon in real life!
James Cameron and Peter Jackson are working on making 48 frames per second the new standard in film production. The Hobbit is being shot that way, but a test audience didn't like it at all.
This frog is just sitting there, doing his Kermit impression. Or maybe he's working on his other human capabilities in order to take over while we're sleeping.
The heart-tugging Olympic-themed ads are starting already. Proctor and Gamble's ad for Mother's Day made me tear up and wish my kids had athletic ambitions.
California voters may abolish the death penalty this fall, because this time it's all about economics. The state would save tens of millions of dollars every year by getting rid of death row.
Football Wedding
Two guys are talking about their boss's upcoming wedding.One says, "It's ridiculous, he's rich, but he's 93 years old, and she's just 26!
What kind of a wedding is that?"
The other says, "Well, we have a name for it in my family."
"What do you call it?"
"We call it a football wedding."
The first asks, "What's a football wedding?"
The other says, "She's waiting for him to kick off!"
(via It Occurred to Me)
Eli's Coming
Three Dog Night performs the Laura Nyro song from their 1969 album Suitable for Framing.
Tuxedo Cat Falls Off Table
What makes a good internet video? A funny-looking costume, or a cat, or someone falls down. So this video is destined to be a classic.
8 Wild and Wonderful Stone Giants Around the World
Growing Up Superman
At his request, each morning 3-year-old Ray's mother pinned a bath towel to the back shoulders of his size two T-shirt. Immediately in his young imaginative mind, the towel became a magic blue and red cape. And he became Superman.Outfitted each day in his "cape," Ray's days were packed with adventure and daring escapades. He was Superman.
This fact was clearly pointed out last fall when his mother enrolled him in kindergarten class. During the course of the interview, the teacher asked Ray his name.
"Superman," he answered politely and without hesitation.
The teacher smiled, cast an appreciative glance at his mother, and asked again, "Your real name, please."
Again, Ray answered, "Superman."
Realizing the situation demanded more authority, or maybe to hide amusement, the teacher closed her eyes for a moment, then in a stern voice said, "I will have to have your real name for my records."
Sensing he'd have to play straight with the teacher, Ray slid his eyes around the room, hunched closer to her, and answered in a voice hushed with conspiracy, "Clark Kent."
